Life is good.

That's the prevailing thought today, hell, all week!  It's been really really great lately.  I am finally, FINALLY figuring out what I want in a guy and what I don't want.  Now the hard part is saying "no" to some of the guys who are contacting me again after a couple of months.  Maybe that was ok back then, but it's not ok now.  I want more. 

I have two, yes TWO awesome friends with benefits (I don't know what else to call them!) who both very much enjoy kissing and cuddling.....a LOT.  They both happen to be very cute, but I'm also realizing that while attraction is important, looks aren't everything.  Neither is size.  What's important is the chemistry between us because that's the difference between just fucking and a total experience.  Why should I settle for anything less?  I mean, there are times when a good pounding is needed, but I have guys who do that and I'm always left wanting more.  I want more than the guy just jumping up, getting dressed, and leaving right away.  That was acceptable a few months ago but it's getting old, especially now that I know there are guys out there who are so much more awesome than that.

Does this have you wondering if I want a relationship?  I'm sure it could sound like that to the average person.  I'm not average.  All this means is that I'm narrowing in on the kind of guy I prefer. 

What is that exactly?  I don't like the usual type of straight guy:  the caveman, the bully, the brute...I no longer find it attractive when guys get all possessive and territorial.  It's offensive.   I love non-traditional guys who shirk all of that usual bullshit and do their own thing.  THAT is hot.  It's another reason I like bisexual guys and want to find more of them. 

Next step, start weeding out the guys who keep resurfacing from the past few months and saying NO.

So I'm just in a really good place right now and am very much enjoying life. 

Best of Both Worlds

I am living proof that women can easily find someone to fuck with minimal effort.

However, something has changed in the past couple of weeks and I don't exactly know how or why this has come about.  If you've read this blog at all, you know that I've been pretty slutty for the past few months.  I mean seriously, the main goal was to find as many guys to fuck as I could possibly find; there were weeks when I didn't know how I would accommodate all the guys I was meeting!  I did nothing else socially except have guys over here for sex.  It was fun, it was crazy, it was exhilarating! 

Did I stop enjoying sex?  Hell no!  Then what?

I have theories and also keep in mind, my entire philosophy of life could drastically change tomorrow and I could be back to my slutty ways. 

Well I now have two guys I see regularly, one good, one awesome.  The "good" one is young, cute, hung, and can fuck forever.  Who wouldn't appreciate that after a hard day at work?  With the other guy, there's tons of chemistry!  Tons of kissing, touching, cuddling, talking, and oh yes, sex.  We even sometimes go out in public after to eat and drink and socialize!  This is a true "friend with benefits" and a first for me, since I had no desire to hang out with any of the other ones, let alone carry on a conversation.  I very much enjoy this guy.

So what's the problem?  Well, the problem is, now that I have such an awesome FWB, there's a part of me that doesn't want to settle for anything less than that with any new people I meet.  Am I setting myself up for disappointment?  Surely, he's not the only guy in the world with which I could ever have this type of chemistry.  I know he's not!  It's just my doomsday mindset that tells me if I have something good, it's bound to end at some point.  I need to make a conscious effort to live in the now and enjoy this while I have it. 

I've also come to the realization that I'm no longer interested in monogamy.  I was with someone for so long and now that I'm single, it's obvious that it was so unsatisfying on so many levels.  There is no way that one person could be everything you want or need.  No way!  I honestly think that people have unrealistic expectations of love and relationships and are always disappointed.  Always.  Then they blame the other person for being incapable of fulfilling all of their needs and it's not fair.  It's not fair on the other person, and it's an exercise in futility to try and get someone to be everything to you. 

I think I have it pretty good now, though I'm still working out the details of my new status.  Part of me feels like I've now wiped out most of the population from my possible dating pool.  Recently I've encountered a couple of men who had a big problem with non-monogamy yet weren't interested in serious relationships, which to me is a big fat helping of irony right there.  If you don't want a serious relationship, you have no fucking right to tell me I can't see other people!  So I need to be open up front about the fact that I'm going to continue seeing other people, but I'm more than willing to see what kinds of connections I can find with other people.  It's not just about sex, though I'd definitely want that to be a big part of the deal; it's about the connection.  Everyone needs human connections, right?  Everyone needs affection, touching, hugging, all that good stuff.  It's essential.  The only difference with me is that I can have that with more than one guy.

So really, I have the best of both worlds; now I just need to find more people to invite into mine.

Worlds Collide!

It's been a while since I've posted.  Guess I've been busy, but with what?  Last I wrote, I got stood up and was looking forward to Mr. Bisexual that Sunday.  Well he informed me that he wasn't feeling well and had to postpone.  While I totally understood that and appreciated that he didn't want to get me sick, I was still disappointed!  Finally I saw him this Tuesday and it was amazing as usual.  I really really enjoy him. 

However, worlds collided just a little bit when we decided to go out for lunch after!  This is a first for me as I never ever socialize with the guys I'm sleeping with.  Truthfully, most of them aren't interesting enough to even hold a conversation, so I never even considered it!  They come over, get the job done, then leave.  This one is different.  We actually seem to enjoy spending our time together.  So after lunch, we ended up at my local bar for a drink and of course, several regulars came in so I had to introduce them.  The thing is, they all know what I'm up to, so me being there with a guy probably raised eyebrows.  Finally the truth was out that I was sleeping with this guy...actually he blurted it out when someone asked how we knew each other.  Cat's out of the bag now! 

It was interesting; he's very charming and friendly and everyone liked him.  We may do this again sometime!

Now for Puerto Rico.  I swear I'll stop obsessing over him at some point but right now i just need to process this.  It's been exactly two weeks since I've seen him and he hasn't texted me at all, nor has he responded to the three texts I've sent him.  Precisely three and that's all.  I promise I'm not going to text him like a crazy girl.  My friends are trying to help me figure out why I can't get him off my mind. 

Do I like him?  Is that possible?  May I remind you that he's 21 and frankly, I'm not interested in a 21 year old boyfriend, or any boyfriend for that matter.  Last time he was here, he opened up about his childhood, his family, etc. and I also told him some things about my life.  I could make my brain hurt trying to over analyze this, but either he's just too busy or he just plain doesn't want to see me anymore.  Either way, I'll just have to accept it.

But I can't lie...if he texted me right now it would totally make my day. 

So I've got other young guys and a couple of girls interested in meeting me, so keep reading to find out how next week goes.  Should be good!