Best of Both Worlds

I am living proof that women can easily find someone to fuck with minimal effort.

However, something has changed in the past couple of weeks and I don't exactly know how or why this has come about.  If you've read this blog at all, you know that I've been pretty slutty for the past few months.  I mean seriously, the main goal was to find as many guys to fuck as I could possibly find; there were weeks when I didn't know how I would accommodate all the guys I was meeting!  I did nothing else socially except have guys over here for sex.  It was fun, it was crazy, it was exhilarating! 

Did I stop enjoying sex?  Hell no!  Then what?

I have theories and also keep in mind, my entire philosophy of life could drastically change tomorrow and I could be back to my slutty ways. 

Well I now have two guys I see regularly, one good, one awesome.  The "good" one is young, cute, hung, and can fuck forever.  Who wouldn't appreciate that after a hard day at work?  With the other guy, there's tons of chemistry!  Tons of kissing, touching, cuddling, talking, and oh yes, sex.  We even sometimes go out in public after to eat and drink and socialize!  This is a true "friend with benefits" and a first for me, since I had no desire to hang out with any of the other ones, let alone carry on a conversation.  I very much enjoy this guy.

So what's the problem?  Well, the problem is, now that I have such an awesome FWB, there's a part of me that doesn't want to settle for anything less than that with any new people I meet.  Am I setting myself up for disappointment?  Surely, he's not the only guy in the world with which I could ever have this type of chemistry.  I know he's not!  It's just my doomsday mindset that tells me if I have something good, it's bound to end at some point.  I need to make a conscious effort to live in the now and enjoy this while I have it. 

I've also come to the realization that I'm no longer interested in monogamy.  I was with someone for so long and now that I'm single, it's obvious that it was so unsatisfying on so many levels.  There is no way that one person could be everything you want or need.  No way!  I honestly think that people have unrealistic expectations of love and relationships and are always disappointed.  Always.  Then they blame the other person for being incapable of fulfilling all of their needs and it's not fair.  It's not fair on the other person, and it's an exercise in futility to try and get someone to be everything to you. 

I think I have it pretty good now, though I'm still working out the details of my new status.  Part of me feels like I've now wiped out most of the population from my possible dating pool.  Recently I've encountered a couple of men who had a big problem with non-monogamy yet weren't interested in serious relationships, which to me is a big fat helping of irony right there.  If you don't want a serious relationship, you have no fucking right to tell me I can't see other people!  So I need to be open up front about the fact that I'm going to continue seeing other people, but I'm more than willing to see what kinds of connections I can find with other people.  It's not just about sex, though I'd definitely want that to be a big part of the deal; it's about the connection.  Everyone needs human connections, right?  Everyone needs affection, touching, hugging, all that good stuff.  It's essential.  The only difference with me is that I can have that with more than one guy.

So really, I have the best of both worlds; now I just need to find more people to invite into mine.