So now I know more of what I want...affection, attention, touching, cuddling, crazy good kinky sex, the works. What I don't want is to be someone's on-call blow-job girl. Believe me, some guys seem to think that's what I am.
I'm not interested in simply fucking, though I must say I haven't had a good one in a while. Fucking in the traditional sense, that is. Oh but I've been fucked.
I like my life. Keep in mind that I'm slightly drunk on wine right now, but I'm very happy with the situation. Very happy. My girlfriend just left and she always leaves me in a rather dreamy state, in addition to the drunken state from all the wine. I'm literally so happy I don't really have many other thoughts in my head right now other than the awesome feeling that I'm left with after spending the day with my yummy girlfriend.
So why am I writing this blog entry today? I have no idea. Just perhaps to say how happy I am? Who the hell wants to hear that crap? Haha. Or how unique my experiences have been lately? I don't know.
Maybe that's all I have to say right now. That's all my brain can handle. Till next time...
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Sunday, December 9, 2012
I Want Everything
So it's been a while. My mind is always swirling so much that it's hard to focus my thoughts for another blog entry. However I feel like an update is needed since so much has changed, so much is going on.
Of course everything is different since the last blog entry. I'm only still seeing one of those people on my mysteriously coded list and frankly, the code was so mysterious that I don't even remember who most of them are! Obviously, they weren't all that special. Except one.
Yes, I'm now in a poly relationship with an adorable bi trans girl. So cool. The situation is just perfect for me right now. I love everything we do together. It's helping me narrow down just what I want and what I need in addition to what I already have. It's so cool I can hardly put it into coherent words for this blog. Maybe I'll just leave it at that for now.
But gaps need filling in. Since she has a primary relationship, I'm still looking for - what? - my own primary? - more fun friends to see regularly? This is the question that needs answering and like everything else, I may not know the answer until I find it. That's the cool thing about being poly; you can keep your options open at all times and everything can be fluid, nothing stagnates. It's what you want it to be and I love that.
I still love meeting new people but that has slowed down a bit. For all of these months, I've been saying that I'm narrowing down what I want, raising my standards, etc, but I think it's only now starting to happen. I still love the attention, but what I really want is more of what I have now only with different people who can fill in the gaps and meet my needs that aren't being met in my current relationship. Or they can just give me more of the awesome things that I AM getting in my relationship! More awesome is always welcome.
I've joined a couple new websites to try and meet people who are into the things I'm into. So far I haven't met anyone in person from them, but it's not because of a lack of offers! I'm just picky and the right opportunity hasn't come up yet. I am currently texting an adorable 23 year old guy I just met yesterday and we have plans to meet this week. We both like the same things, both have the desire to get to know each other and experiment and figure things out together, AND he seems really sweet. What else do I want? OOH and he's bisexual, my favorite, and he has agreed to wear a skirt and fishnets for me because I think that is the sexiest thing ever.
I've had random offers but nothing has come of them mostly due to scheduling problems but some just because I didn't think they were the right fit. I went on a "real date" recently with an adorable bi guy and we got along really really well. The thing is, he's turning out to be a super flakey doofus! He says he wants to see me again but can never seem to make the time and keeps breaking our plans. I'm done. I'm not reserving my time for him anymore. I'll find other cute boys who have the time and the desire to spend some of it with me. That's all I want really.
So things are good. I am making it through this awful holiday season intact. I will come out of it in January a year older but infinitely happier.
Of course everything is different since the last blog entry. I'm only still seeing one of those people on my mysteriously coded list and frankly, the code was so mysterious that I don't even remember who most of them are! Obviously, they weren't all that special. Except one.
Yes, I'm now in a poly relationship with an adorable bi trans girl. So cool. The situation is just perfect for me right now. I love everything we do together. It's helping me narrow down just what I want and what I need in addition to what I already have. It's so cool I can hardly put it into coherent words for this blog. Maybe I'll just leave it at that for now.
But gaps need filling in. Since she has a primary relationship, I'm still looking for - what? - my own primary? - more fun friends to see regularly? This is the question that needs answering and like everything else, I may not know the answer until I find it. That's the cool thing about being poly; you can keep your options open at all times and everything can be fluid, nothing stagnates. It's what you want it to be and I love that.
I still love meeting new people but that has slowed down a bit. For all of these months, I've been saying that I'm narrowing down what I want, raising my standards, etc, but I think it's only now starting to happen. I still love the attention, but what I really want is more of what I have now only with different people who can fill in the gaps and meet my needs that aren't being met in my current relationship. Or they can just give me more of the awesome things that I AM getting in my relationship! More awesome is always welcome.
I've joined a couple new websites to try and meet people who are into the things I'm into. So far I haven't met anyone in person from them, but it's not because of a lack of offers! I'm just picky and the right opportunity hasn't come up yet. I am currently texting an adorable 23 year old guy I just met yesterday and we have plans to meet this week. We both like the same things, both have the desire to get to know each other and experiment and figure things out together, AND he seems really sweet. What else do I want? OOH and he's bisexual, my favorite, and he has agreed to wear a skirt and fishnets for me because I think that is the sexiest thing ever.
I've had random offers but nothing has come of them mostly due to scheduling problems but some just because I didn't think they were the right fit. I went on a "real date" recently with an adorable bi guy and we got along really really well. The thing is, he's turning out to be a super flakey doofus! He says he wants to see me again but can never seem to make the time and keeps breaking our plans. I'm done. I'm not reserving my time for him anymore. I'll find other cute boys who have the time and the desire to spend some of it with me. That's all I want really.
So things are good. I am making it through this awful holiday season intact. I will come out of it in January a year older but infinitely happier.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Polykinkyfun
Wow, there's a lot going on right now!
Lots of changes and new discoveries.
I'm unapologetically polyamorous.
I'm kinky and getting kinkier by the day.
I love bisexual guys.
Skinny guys are hot.
There seems to be a never-ending supply of younger guys who love older women.
I have a very high sex drive.
I have some really awesome people in my life.
I've discovered that if you want something, just ask for it and you'll get it.
If you don't want something, stop doing that.
If you're not sure what you want, try everything!
Never say never.
Size does NOT matter. (guys, you can be easily replaced by silicone)
I don't know what else to say right now other than I'm having a really really really good time. I guess I could list the guys I have in my life, some I've met and some I have not. This'll give you an idea of my typical day.
The Regulars:
Bi
K1
K2
A
Z
The Randoms:
The Freak
Jack
Musician
Puerto Rico
Out-of-state:
Vermont
Nashville1
Illinois
Nashville2
Portland
Chicago
As-of-this-moment-texting-but-still-have-not-met:
B
N
W
A
C
Now, I have to add that there are some people I left off because I may have seen them a couple of times but they're not necessarily regular, but they're too random to be randoms. If that makes any sense. Let's just say there are a lot. They come and go and in a few days some of the ones on the last list will be moved to one of the other lists as I'm going to meet them soon.
Basically, I need a LOT of stimulation. I need to be in contact with several people at all times. I need to meet them, text them, email, and meet again. It's what keeps me going at this point and I'm not apologizing for that.
That's my life at the moment!
Lots of changes and new discoveries.
I'm unapologetically polyamorous.
I'm kinky and getting kinkier by the day.
I love bisexual guys.
Skinny guys are hot.
There seems to be a never-ending supply of younger guys who love older women.
I have a very high sex drive.
I have some really awesome people in my life.
I've discovered that if you want something, just ask for it and you'll get it.
If you don't want something, stop doing that.
If you're not sure what you want, try everything!
Never say never.
Size does NOT matter. (guys, you can be easily replaced by silicone)
I don't know what else to say right now other than I'm having a really really really good time. I guess I could list the guys I have in my life, some I've met and some I have not. This'll give you an idea of my typical day.
The Regulars:
Bi
K1
K2
A
Z
The Randoms:
The Freak
Jack
Musician
Puerto Rico
Out-of-state:
Vermont
Nashville1
Illinois
Nashville2
Portland
Chicago
As-of-this-moment-texting-but-still-have-not-met:
B
N
W
A
C
Now, I have to add that there are some people I left off because I may have seen them a couple of times but they're not necessarily regular, but they're too random to be randoms. If that makes any sense. Let's just say there are a lot. They come and go and in a few days some of the ones on the last list will be moved to one of the other lists as I'm going to meet them soon.
Basically, I need a LOT of stimulation. I need to be in contact with several people at all times. I need to meet them, text them, email, and meet again. It's what keeps me going at this point and I'm not apologizing for that.
That's my life at the moment!
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Life is good.
That's the prevailing thought today, hell, all week! It's been really really great lately. I am finally, FINALLY figuring out what I want in a guy and what I don't want. Now the hard part is saying "no" to some of the guys who are contacting me again after a couple of months. Maybe that was ok back then, but it's not ok now. I want more.
I have two, yes TWO awesome friends with benefits (I don't know what else to call them!) who both very much enjoy kissing and cuddling.....a LOT. They both happen to be very cute, but I'm also realizing that while attraction is important, looks aren't everything. Neither is size. What's important is the chemistry between us because that's the difference between just fucking and a total experience. Why should I settle for anything less? I mean, there are times when a good pounding is needed, but I have guys who do that and I'm always left wanting more. I want more than the guy just jumping up, getting dressed, and leaving right away. That was acceptable a few months ago but it's getting old, especially now that I know there are guys out there who are so much more awesome than that.
Does this have you wondering if I want a relationship? I'm sure it could sound like that to the average person. I'm not average. All this means is that I'm narrowing in on the kind of guy I prefer.
What is that exactly? I don't like the usual type of straight guy: the caveman, the bully, the brute...I no longer find it attractive when guys get all possessive and territorial. It's offensive. I love non-traditional guys who shirk all of that usual bullshit and do their own thing. THAT is hot. It's another reason I like bisexual guys and want to find more of them.
Next step, start weeding out the guys who keep resurfacing from the past few months and saying NO.
So I'm just in a really good place right now and am very much enjoying life.
That's the prevailing thought today, hell, all week! It's been really really great lately. I am finally, FINALLY figuring out what I want in a guy and what I don't want. Now the hard part is saying "no" to some of the guys who are contacting me again after a couple of months. Maybe that was ok back then, but it's not ok now. I want more.
I have two, yes TWO awesome friends with benefits (I don't know what else to call them!) who both very much enjoy kissing and cuddling.....a LOT. They both happen to be very cute, but I'm also realizing that while attraction is important, looks aren't everything. Neither is size. What's important is the chemistry between us because that's the difference between just fucking and a total experience. Why should I settle for anything less? I mean, there are times when a good pounding is needed, but I have guys who do that and I'm always left wanting more. I want more than the guy just jumping up, getting dressed, and leaving right away. That was acceptable a few months ago but it's getting old, especially now that I know there are guys out there who are so much more awesome than that.
Does this have you wondering if I want a relationship? I'm sure it could sound like that to the average person. I'm not average. All this means is that I'm narrowing in on the kind of guy I prefer.
What is that exactly? I don't like the usual type of straight guy: the caveman, the bully, the brute...I no longer find it attractive when guys get all possessive and territorial. It's offensive. I love non-traditional guys who shirk all of that usual bullshit and do their own thing. THAT is hot. It's another reason I like bisexual guys and want to find more of them.
Next step, start weeding out the guys who keep resurfacing from the past few months and saying NO.
So I'm just in a really good place right now and am very much enjoying life.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Best of Both Worlds
I am living proof that women can easily find someone to fuck with minimal effort.
However, something has changed in the past couple of weeks and I don't exactly know how or why this has come about. If you've read this blog at all, you know that I've been pretty slutty for the past few months. I mean seriously, the main goal was to find as many guys to fuck as I could possibly find; there were weeks when I didn't know how I would accommodate all the guys I was meeting! I did nothing else socially except have guys over here for sex. It was fun, it was crazy, it was exhilarating!
Did I stop enjoying sex? Hell no! Then what?
I have theories and also keep in mind, my entire philosophy of life could drastically change tomorrow and I could be back to my slutty ways.
Well I now have two guys I see regularly, one good, one awesome. The "good" one is young, cute, hung, and can fuck forever. Who wouldn't appreciate that after a hard day at work? With the other guy, there's tons of chemistry! Tons of kissing, touching, cuddling, talking, and oh yes, sex. We even sometimes go out in public after to eat and drink and socialize! This is a true "friend with benefits" and a first for me, since I had no desire to hang out with any of the other ones, let alone carry on a conversation. I very much enjoy this guy.
So what's the problem? Well, the problem is, now that I have such an awesome FWB, there's a part of me that doesn't want to settle for anything less than that with any new people I meet. Am I setting myself up for disappointment? Surely, he's not the only guy in the world with which I could ever have this type of chemistry. I know he's not! It's just my doomsday mindset that tells me if I have something good, it's bound to end at some point. I need to make a conscious effort to live in the now and enjoy this while I have it.
I've also come to the realization that I'm no longer interested in monogamy. I was with someone for so long and now that I'm single, it's obvious that it was so unsatisfying on so many levels. There is no way that one person could be everything you want or need. No way! I honestly think that people have unrealistic expectations of love and relationships and are always disappointed. Always. Then they blame the other person for being incapable of fulfilling all of their needs and it's not fair. It's not fair on the other person, and it's an exercise in futility to try and get someone to be everything to you.
I think I have it pretty good now, though I'm still working out the details of my new status. Part of me feels like I've now wiped out most of the population from my possible dating pool. Recently I've encountered a couple of men who had a big problem with non-monogamy yet weren't interested in serious relationships, which to me is a big fat helping of irony right there. If you don't want a serious relationship, you have no fucking right to tell me I can't see other people! So I need to be open up front about the fact that I'm going to continue seeing other people, but I'm more than willing to see what kinds of connections I can find with other people. It's not just about sex, though I'd definitely want that to be a big part of the deal; it's about the connection. Everyone needs human connections, right? Everyone needs affection, touching, hugging, all that good stuff. It's essential. The only difference with me is that I can have that with more than one guy.
So really, I have the best of both worlds; now I just need to find more people to invite into mine.
However, something has changed in the past couple of weeks and I don't exactly know how or why this has come about. If you've read this blog at all, you know that I've been pretty slutty for the past few months. I mean seriously, the main goal was to find as many guys to fuck as I could possibly find; there were weeks when I didn't know how I would accommodate all the guys I was meeting! I did nothing else socially except have guys over here for sex. It was fun, it was crazy, it was exhilarating!
Did I stop enjoying sex? Hell no! Then what?
I have theories and also keep in mind, my entire philosophy of life could drastically change tomorrow and I could be back to my slutty ways.
Well I now have two guys I see regularly, one good, one awesome. The "good" one is young, cute, hung, and can fuck forever. Who wouldn't appreciate that after a hard day at work? With the other guy, there's tons of chemistry! Tons of kissing, touching, cuddling, talking, and oh yes, sex. We even sometimes go out in public after to eat and drink and socialize! This is a true "friend with benefits" and a first for me, since I had no desire to hang out with any of the other ones, let alone carry on a conversation. I very much enjoy this guy.
So what's the problem? Well, the problem is, now that I have such an awesome FWB, there's a part of me that doesn't want to settle for anything less than that with any new people I meet. Am I setting myself up for disappointment? Surely, he's not the only guy in the world with which I could ever have this type of chemistry. I know he's not! It's just my doomsday mindset that tells me if I have something good, it's bound to end at some point. I need to make a conscious effort to live in the now and enjoy this while I have it.
I've also come to the realization that I'm no longer interested in monogamy. I was with someone for so long and now that I'm single, it's obvious that it was so unsatisfying on so many levels. There is no way that one person could be everything you want or need. No way! I honestly think that people have unrealistic expectations of love and relationships and are always disappointed. Always. Then they blame the other person for being incapable of fulfilling all of their needs and it's not fair. It's not fair on the other person, and it's an exercise in futility to try and get someone to be everything to you.
I think I have it pretty good now, though I'm still working out the details of my new status. Part of me feels like I've now wiped out most of the population from my possible dating pool. Recently I've encountered a couple of men who had a big problem with non-monogamy yet weren't interested in serious relationships, which to me is a big fat helping of irony right there. If you don't want a serious relationship, you have no fucking right to tell me I can't see other people! So I need to be open up front about the fact that I'm going to continue seeing other people, but I'm more than willing to see what kinds of connections I can find with other people. It's not just about sex, though I'd definitely want that to be a big part of the deal; it's about the connection. Everyone needs human connections, right? Everyone needs affection, touching, hugging, all that good stuff. It's essential. The only difference with me is that I can have that with more than one guy.
So really, I have the best of both worlds; now I just need to find more people to invite into mine.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Worlds Collide!
It's been a while since I've posted. Guess I've been busy, but with what? Last I wrote, I got stood up and was looking forward to Mr. Bisexual that Sunday. Well he informed me that he wasn't feeling well and had to postpone. While I totally understood that and appreciated that he didn't want to get me sick, I was still disappointed! Finally I saw him this Tuesday and it was amazing as usual. I really really enjoy him.
However, worlds collided just a little bit when we decided to go out for lunch after! This is a first for me as I never ever socialize with the guys I'm sleeping with. Truthfully, most of them aren't interesting enough to even hold a conversation, so I never even considered it! They come over, get the job done, then leave. This one is different. We actually seem to enjoy spending our time together. So after lunch, we ended up at my local bar for a drink and of course, several regulars came in so I had to introduce them. The thing is, they all know what I'm up to, so me being there with a guy probably raised eyebrows. Finally the truth was out that I was sleeping with this guy...actually he blurted it out when someone asked how we knew each other. Cat's out of the bag now!
It was interesting; he's very charming and friendly and everyone liked him. We may do this again sometime!
Now for Puerto Rico. I swear I'll stop obsessing over him at some point but right now i just need to process this. It's been exactly two weeks since I've seen him and he hasn't texted me at all, nor has he responded to the three texts I've sent him. Precisely three and that's all. I promise I'm not going to text him like a crazy girl. My friends are trying to help me figure out why I can't get him off my mind.
Do I like him? Is that possible? May I remind you that he's 21 and frankly, I'm not interested in a 21 year old boyfriend, or any boyfriend for that matter. Last time he was here, he opened up about his childhood, his family, etc. and I also told him some things about my life. I could make my brain hurt trying to over analyze this, but either he's just too busy or he just plain doesn't want to see me anymore. Either way, I'll just have to accept it.
But I can't lie...if he texted me right now it would totally make my day.
So I've got other young guys and a couple of girls interested in meeting me, so keep reading to find out how next week goes. Should be good!
However, worlds collided just a little bit when we decided to go out for lunch after! This is a first for me as I never ever socialize with the guys I'm sleeping with. Truthfully, most of them aren't interesting enough to even hold a conversation, so I never even considered it! They come over, get the job done, then leave. This one is different. We actually seem to enjoy spending our time together. So after lunch, we ended up at my local bar for a drink and of course, several regulars came in so I had to introduce them. The thing is, they all know what I'm up to, so me being there with a guy probably raised eyebrows. Finally the truth was out that I was sleeping with this guy...actually he blurted it out when someone asked how we knew each other. Cat's out of the bag now!
It was interesting; he's very charming and friendly and everyone liked him. We may do this again sometime!
Now for Puerto Rico. I swear I'll stop obsessing over him at some point but right now i just need to process this. It's been exactly two weeks since I've seen him and he hasn't texted me at all, nor has he responded to the three texts I've sent him. Precisely three and that's all. I promise I'm not going to text him like a crazy girl. My friends are trying to help me figure out why I can't get him off my mind.
Do I like him? Is that possible? May I remind you that he's 21 and frankly, I'm not interested in a 21 year old boyfriend, or any boyfriend for that matter. Last time he was here, he opened up about his childhood, his family, etc. and I also told him some things about my life. I could make my brain hurt trying to over analyze this, but either he's just too busy or he just plain doesn't want to see me anymore. Either way, I'll just have to accept it.
But I can't lie...if he texted me right now it would totally make my day.
So I've got other young guys and a couple of girls interested in meeting me, so keep reading to find out how next week goes. Should be good!
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Girl Moods
I find myself in a bit of a state today. Last weekend was incredible and that feeling carried over into Monday. So explain to me why I suddenly feel some kind of funk coming on? I took a break Tuesday and Wednesday to have some me time and get some things done around the house, but tonight a guy was supposed to come over.
Well he totally no-showed. No email, no contact. Just no show. I'm sure I'll get an email with some lame excuse at some point, but I'm not interested. This is the first time we actually had plans, but he's been horrible at communicating all along and will send random emails saying "wanna fuck tonight?" and when I respond, he never emails back! Apparently he didn't want to?
I have no time for this shit. It does bad things to my self-esteem even though intellectually I know I'm fine. The funny thing is, I wasn't even that much in the mood to have anyone over, but I've been wanting to meet him for a while so I figured once he got here, it'd be fun!
But why do my moods change so drastically when this happens? I hate how a day of not getting very many texts or emails can send me into some kind of weird angsty state. I'm not comfortable with that but don't know how to get out of it.
Even though I know that Mr. Bisexual is coming on Sunday as usual, I still feel like I want more. Why can't I be happy with once a week with someone awesome? I'm always searching. Always.
Then I sent a text to Puerto Rico and he didn't respond. That bugs me. I mean it's text, I know you read it, just text me back and say hi. I'm not Crazy Texting Girl and won't bother you if you're busy. I'm not a kid and I don't play games.
Tonight I ended up hanging out with a friend of mine...drinks, dinner, good conversation. I feel better I know I'll be ok.
Well he totally no-showed. No email, no contact. Just no show. I'm sure I'll get an email with some lame excuse at some point, but I'm not interested. This is the first time we actually had plans, but he's been horrible at communicating all along and will send random emails saying "wanna fuck tonight?" and when I respond, he never emails back! Apparently he didn't want to?
I have no time for this shit. It does bad things to my self-esteem even though intellectually I know I'm fine. The funny thing is, I wasn't even that much in the mood to have anyone over, but I've been wanting to meet him for a while so I figured once he got here, it'd be fun!
But why do my moods change so drastically when this happens? I hate how a day of not getting very many texts or emails can send me into some kind of weird angsty state. I'm not comfortable with that but don't know how to get out of it.
Even though I know that Mr. Bisexual is coming on Sunday as usual, I still feel like I want more. Why can't I be happy with once a week with someone awesome? I'm always searching. Always.
Then I sent a text to Puerto Rico and he didn't respond. That bugs me. I mean it's text, I know you read it, just text me back and say hi. I'm not Crazy Texting Girl and won't bother you if you're busy. I'm not a kid and I don't play games.
Tonight I ended up hanging out with a friend of mine...drinks, dinner, good conversation. I feel better I know I'll be ok.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
My Week Long Relationship With A Guy I've Never Met
So if you've been reading this blog, you probably understand by now that I'm not interested in nor am I ready for a real relationship. This is about sex. I'm loving being single and not accounting to anyone for my actions. It's awesome.
Enter Mr. Relationship Denial (RD).
This next guy threw me for a loop and almost had me convinced I wanted something that I really didn't want. His timing was interesting; he contacted me on the dating site, all full of compliments and very interested in me just when I was dealing with one guy being a no-show and another one postponing 3 times in one week. We messaged and then quickly turned to texting. There was no dirty talk but I just thought he was being polite. Surely he'd request a naughty pic at any moment! What was taking so long!
He said right off the bat that he wasn't looking for a serious relationship. COOL! I'm not either! This should work out well since we were both so attracted to each other, right? It was just a matter of time before I had him in my lair - I mean condo.
So he still wasn't in town yet as he was planning to relocate here very soon, so our communication was strictly text until he surprised me by calling me when I was at work. What!?!? At first I thought it was cute, but he seemed to get off somehow on surprising me with phone calls. I'm a texter!
Then soon after RD said he didn't want a serious relationship, he took that definition a little further, adding that he wants an exclusive arrangement "with someone cool to hang out with, have good conversation, cook together, chill, and fuck like crazy several times a week".
Excuse me, did someone say "exclusive"??? I hate to break it to you, but that is a relationship!
Now maybe I was vulnerable from all of the no-shows that week, but some weird part of me found the idea of a guy who would actually be there to be appealing. Oh, I wouldn't have to scramble to find someone? I wouldn't be disappointed that you didn't show up? We'd get over the awkward getting to know you phase and then be comfortable and familiar with each other? I went along with this for a few more days until I woke up one morning and thought, no way. I don't want someone here in my condo while I'm getting ready for work. I don't want anyone waiting for me when I get home. I don't wanna have to have discussions like "where are we going for dinner" and "what are we doing tonight?".
I don't want to date! I have friends if I want to dine out or go to movies or happy hour or whatever else I wanna do! Right now guys are for sex.
ARGH!
We were planning to meet on Saturday but never set a specific time or exact plans. Earlier in the week our discussions about what we'd do were always vague and inconclusive. In one conversation, I asked him to just come over to my place and he hesitated! I got the idea he wanted to actually go out and do something when I really just wanted to get him alone.
Saturday came and still no plans. He finally texted me around noon and the conversation was about random, benign things like what he had for breakfast or how hungover he was from the night before. I was going to let him solidify plans.
Meanwhile, I decided to go to my local bar and chill out instead of wait around for him. While there, drinking, I came to the conclusion that I simply could not meet this guy! We did not want the same thing! It was not fair of him to ask me to be exclusive if we were not in a serious relationship. It just didn't make sense.
So I had another drink, gathered up all of my courage, and texted him, telling him it wasn't going to work and I could not meet him. He understood, explaining that he can't have sex on the first date. We kept discussing how we wanted different things, we respect the other's decision, etc. Then in the next text he tells me again how attracted he is to me and how I'm making him hard! You cannot have it both ways! You either want to dirty text me and come over and fuck, or you want to "real date".
And thus ended the week-long relationship with a guy I've never met.
Enter Mr. Relationship Denial (RD).
This next guy threw me for a loop and almost had me convinced I wanted something that I really didn't want. His timing was interesting; he contacted me on the dating site, all full of compliments and very interested in me just when I was dealing with one guy being a no-show and another one postponing 3 times in one week. We messaged and then quickly turned to texting. There was no dirty talk but I just thought he was being polite. Surely he'd request a naughty pic at any moment! What was taking so long!
He said right off the bat that he wasn't looking for a serious relationship. COOL! I'm not either! This should work out well since we were both so attracted to each other, right? It was just a matter of time before I had him in my lair - I mean condo.
So he still wasn't in town yet as he was planning to relocate here very soon, so our communication was strictly text until he surprised me by calling me when I was at work. What!?!? At first I thought it was cute, but he seemed to get off somehow on surprising me with phone calls. I'm a texter!
Then soon after RD said he didn't want a serious relationship, he took that definition a little further, adding that he wants an exclusive arrangement "with someone cool to hang out with, have good conversation, cook together, chill, and fuck like crazy several times a week".
Excuse me, did someone say "exclusive"??? I hate to break it to you, but that is a relationship!
Now maybe I was vulnerable from all of the no-shows that week, but some weird part of me found the idea of a guy who would actually be there to be appealing. Oh, I wouldn't have to scramble to find someone? I wouldn't be disappointed that you didn't show up? We'd get over the awkward getting to know you phase and then be comfortable and familiar with each other? I went along with this for a few more days until I woke up one morning and thought, no way. I don't want someone here in my condo while I'm getting ready for work. I don't want anyone waiting for me when I get home. I don't wanna have to have discussions like "where are we going for dinner" and "what are we doing tonight?".
I don't want to date! I have friends if I want to dine out or go to movies or happy hour or whatever else I wanna do! Right now guys are for sex.
ARGH!
We were planning to meet on Saturday but never set a specific time or exact plans. Earlier in the week our discussions about what we'd do were always vague and inconclusive. In one conversation, I asked him to just come over to my place and he hesitated! I got the idea he wanted to actually go out and do something when I really just wanted to get him alone.
Saturday came and still no plans. He finally texted me around noon and the conversation was about random, benign things like what he had for breakfast or how hungover he was from the night before. I was going to let him solidify plans.
Meanwhile, I decided to go to my local bar and chill out instead of wait around for him. While there, drinking, I came to the conclusion that I simply could not meet this guy! We did not want the same thing! It was not fair of him to ask me to be exclusive if we were not in a serious relationship. It just didn't make sense.
So I had another drink, gathered up all of my courage, and texted him, telling him it wasn't going to work and I could not meet him. He understood, explaining that he can't have sex on the first date. We kept discussing how we wanted different things, we respect the other's decision, etc. Then in the next text he tells me again how attracted he is to me and how I'm making him hard! You cannot have it both ways! You either want to dirty text me and come over and fuck, or you want to "real date".
And thus ended the week-long relationship with a guy I've never met.
Weekend of Awesome
I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere with all of this. I can confidently say that I now have guys that I see on a regular basis. Have I stopped looking? Definitely not, but I have a list in my head of who I'd see first over anyone else. It's great. New people are at the bottom of the list and Puerto Rico & Mr. Chemistry are tied for my faves.
This weekend was what I would call very successful in not only quantity but quality. In fact, I'm still basking in the awesomeness of Mr. Chemistry being that he just left two hours ago! But let's rewind to Friday...
I went into the weekend with plans to meet a new guy on Saturday and see Mr. Chemistry on Sunday. Great. Why would I look elsewhere? Why did I need to seek out anything else? I do not know, but something clicked on Friday night and that old familiar feeling of "I bet I can get someone tonight" kicked in. I was drinking at my usual haunt and after one or two, I start to get the itch to text or message someone. Ridiculous, I know, but that's how it works. So I sent a message to a guy who had messaged me a week before. He had sent me pics which were hot, so I knew I was attracted to him. I went ahead and sent him a message on the dating site asking if he was still interested in meeting. Turns out he was, but only for a blow job that particular night. We talked a little more and that's truly all he wanted right then, so I agreed, left the bar, and went home.
Now girls, I really do enjoy this particular activity and I suggest you get your skills up to par as well. There's nothing like the feeling of making someone feel awesome by what you are doing and if you want them to do the same for you, you're going to have to learn to love sucking dick. It's just the truth.
Anyway, I gave him my address and he came right over. He was CUTE! We went into my room, he removed my shirt and bra and gave me a little attention, then I had him get comfy on the bed and I got down to business. This guy was polite, nice, fun, playful, and enjoyed it very very much. When he finished, he got dressed, thanked me, and went on his way! Success!
I met my friends at another bar and continued on with my night!
Now for Saturday. I'm going to save the story of this next guy for another post, but let's just say we had no solid plans except that we were going to meet probably later in the day. Well it turns out that I wasn't going to wait for him! I got a message from a guy on the dating site asking if I felt like getting a pounding from his 9 inch dick. Indeed I did! We chatted for a few minutes and then he came right over! This was quick and dirty fun. He made me call him "Master" and was very dominant and bossy, just how I like it. Dirty talk, ass-smackin', hair-pulling, the works. Good times. And I was done in time to shower and wait for the other guy to text me.
Well I don't really wait, so I ended up going down to my favorite bar and having a few drinks. We're going to fast-forward past the story of this guy and just say that I did not meet him. That whole thing deserves its own blog post. So the more I drank, the more I felt like texting Puerto Rico but I was trying to make him be the one to text me again. Well, I texted a friend of mine who just said do it, drunk text him. So I did. I said "hi, I'm drunk right now and you should come over". His answer? "When?"
Right now obviously! See, with him, I never believe he's coming until he's actually here, but he said he'd come! I waited and then about 30 minutes later, he texted that he was out front. I ran down and rode with him into my parking garage! Wow. I could not believe he was actually here again. This is what I've been wanting. Again, it was amazing, but this time we actually had a conversation! He talked and told me about things...I like this phase, the getting to know each other phase. I mean, we know each other physically, but if this is going to be a regular thing, I like to know a little more about you as we go along. It was really really nice and when he left I felt extremely happy.
Now for today's adventure with Mr. Chemistry. He arrived on time as usual, looking all cute and adorable. We immediately started kissing and moved into the bedroom. Like last time, he put as much of his hand inside me as would possibly fit. With him, it's very intense and hot...lots of biting, clawing, hair-pulling, kissing. It's just so hot. We must make each other feel really good and the whole experience is uninhibited and awesome. We fucked of course and when he was done, we cuddled and talked and kissed some more. I love it. When he leaves I always feel really good...satisfied...happy...exhausted. And he's coming back next Sunday.
I'll leave you with that for now...stay tuned for the story of the man who, as of this writing, still does not have a nickname.
This weekend was what I would call very successful in not only quantity but quality. In fact, I'm still basking in the awesomeness of Mr. Chemistry being that he just left two hours ago! But let's rewind to Friday...
I went into the weekend with plans to meet a new guy on Saturday and see Mr. Chemistry on Sunday. Great. Why would I look elsewhere? Why did I need to seek out anything else? I do not know, but something clicked on Friday night and that old familiar feeling of "I bet I can get someone tonight" kicked in. I was drinking at my usual haunt and after one or two, I start to get the itch to text or message someone. Ridiculous, I know, but that's how it works. So I sent a message to a guy who had messaged me a week before. He had sent me pics which were hot, so I knew I was attracted to him. I went ahead and sent him a message on the dating site asking if he was still interested in meeting. Turns out he was, but only for a blow job that particular night. We talked a little more and that's truly all he wanted right then, so I agreed, left the bar, and went home.
Now girls, I really do enjoy this particular activity and I suggest you get your skills up to par as well. There's nothing like the feeling of making someone feel awesome by what you are doing and if you want them to do the same for you, you're going to have to learn to love sucking dick. It's just the truth.
Anyway, I gave him my address and he came right over. He was CUTE! We went into my room, he removed my shirt and bra and gave me a little attention, then I had him get comfy on the bed and I got down to business. This guy was polite, nice, fun, playful, and enjoyed it very very much. When he finished, he got dressed, thanked me, and went on his way! Success!
I met my friends at another bar and continued on with my night!
Now for Saturday. I'm going to save the story of this next guy for another post, but let's just say we had no solid plans except that we were going to meet probably later in the day. Well it turns out that I wasn't going to wait for him! I got a message from a guy on the dating site asking if I felt like getting a pounding from his 9 inch dick. Indeed I did! We chatted for a few minutes and then he came right over! This was quick and dirty fun. He made me call him "Master" and was very dominant and bossy, just how I like it. Dirty talk, ass-smackin', hair-pulling, the works. Good times. And I was done in time to shower and wait for the other guy to text me.
Well I don't really wait, so I ended up going down to my favorite bar and having a few drinks. We're going to fast-forward past the story of this guy and just say that I did not meet him. That whole thing deserves its own blog post. So the more I drank, the more I felt like texting Puerto Rico but I was trying to make him be the one to text me again. Well, I texted a friend of mine who just said do it, drunk text him. So I did. I said "hi, I'm drunk right now and you should come over". His answer? "When?"
Right now obviously! See, with him, I never believe he's coming until he's actually here, but he said he'd come! I waited and then about 30 minutes later, he texted that he was out front. I ran down and rode with him into my parking garage! Wow. I could not believe he was actually here again. This is what I've been wanting. Again, it was amazing, but this time we actually had a conversation! He talked and told me about things...I like this phase, the getting to know each other phase. I mean, we know each other physically, but if this is going to be a regular thing, I like to know a little more about you as we go along. It was really really nice and when he left I felt extremely happy.
Now for today's adventure with Mr. Chemistry. He arrived on time as usual, looking all cute and adorable. We immediately started kissing and moved into the bedroom. Like last time, he put as much of his hand inside me as would possibly fit. With him, it's very intense and hot...lots of biting, clawing, hair-pulling, kissing. It's just so hot. We must make each other feel really good and the whole experience is uninhibited and awesome. We fucked of course and when he was done, we cuddled and talked and kissed some more. I love it. When he leaves I always feel really good...satisfied...happy...exhausted. And he's coming back next Sunday.
I'll leave you with that for now...stay tuned for the story of the man who, as of this writing, still does not have a nickname.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Chemistry!
Yes, a third blog post in the same day, but this one is worth it.. I'm going to call him Mr. Chemistry because that's just what we had. I messaged him on the dating website because I thought he was cute and he replied right away. Basically by the third message we were already discussing the logistics of meeting.
The thing about him is that he's bisexual and his messages were all about how he feels that just because it's "casual sex" doesn't mean it can't be an awesome experience. I've been looking for someone who isn't afraid to just be in the moment and enjoy it, without fear.
He arrived and immediately when I answered the door i knew we'd have fun. He was absolutely adorable, a little femme, super cute, sweet, and polite. He walked in, put down his bag, took off his shoes, and immediately kissed me. Yum! See, kissing is the thing. It's what lets me know if we're going to click or not. If you aren't a good kisser or if you don't do it at all, I know the sex isn't going to be great. I mean anyone can fuck and it's easy to find people for that, but when you feel a certain connection with someone it's so much better.
Again, not in a relationshipy way, just in a we-connect-on-a-sexual-level kind of way.
He was amazing...we discussed a few things ahead of time in the messages and knew that we both had an appreciation for a little bit of pain. He knew I wanted him to take control and he definitely delivered in both of those areas. It was just great.
Afterwards, he actually wanted to cuddle, even going to far as to kiss my forehead! I loved it. This is what I'm talking about.
No fear.
Puerto Rico WHO???
He is coming back next week. Enough said.
The thing about him is that he's bisexual and his messages were all about how he feels that just because it's "casual sex" doesn't mean it can't be an awesome experience. I've been looking for someone who isn't afraid to just be in the moment and enjoy it, without fear.
He arrived and immediately when I answered the door i knew we'd have fun. He was absolutely adorable, a little femme, super cute, sweet, and polite. He walked in, put down his bag, took off his shoes, and immediately kissed me. Yum! See, kissing is the thing. It's what lets me know if we're going to click or not. If you aren't a good kisser or if you don't do it at all, I know the sex isn't going to be great. I mean anyone can fuck and it's easy to find people for that, but when you feel a certain connection with someone it's so much better.
Again, not in a relationshipy way, just in a we-connect-on-a-sexual-level kind of way.
He was amazing...we discussed a few things ahead of time in the messages and knew that we both had an appreciation for a little bit of pain. He knew I wanted him to take control and he definitely delivered in both of those areas. It was just great.
Afterwards, he actually wanted to cuddle, even going to far as to kiss my forehead! I loved it. This is what I'm talking about.
No fear.
Puerto Rico WHO???
He is coming back next week. Enough said.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Not Another Annoying Weekend
Let's discuss how my weekend was supposed to play out. Earlier in the week I made plans to meet a guy tonight (Saturday); he was to come over at 8pm and we were both looking forward to it. Then I also met another guy online and we have plans for tomorrow at 1pm. Great. Why couldn't I be happy with that?
Now here's what really happened. This is my life.
Yesterday during work, my favorite guy texted me and I asked him to come over last night. He hesitated at first, but I managed to convince him and we agreed upon 7pm. This is someone I had a lot of fun with and I was really really looking forward to seeing him again. If I only saw him all weekend, I would've been happy. So I went down to the bar in my building to have a drink or two before he arrived, then, thinking it was unusual that I hadn't heard from him, I decided to text him 15 minutes before 7 to ask if he was on his way. "Oh that was tonight?"
What???? Of course it was tonight! I re-read our texts from earlier in the day and the word "tonight" was all over the place! There was no doubt the arrangement was that he would come over at 7pm Friday night. WTF kind of game was he playing here? I encouraged him to come over anyway, but he didn't respond to my texts. Much later that night, we had a brief exchange that consisted of one-word answers from him.
For some reason I began scrambling for someone to come over. Anyone, apparently. As I usually do when this particular person no-shows, I turned to craigslist and answered a couple of ads, not really thinking anything would come of them and also not thinking about how I really don't have time for any new people right this minute. But of course they both responded. We exchanged pics as per the normal procedure and I informed them that I was not available this weekend.
Then I emailed another guy I'd met online and asked if he wanted to come over since my night had suddenly opened up. He did. When he arrived, he informed me that he just wanted a blow job and for whatever reason, perhaps because his pants were already down, I obliged. Well that was quick and unsatisfying.
Am I going for quality or quantity? I thought quality but sometimes I slip up.
Even later last night as I was in bed, still clutching my iPhone, I received a message on the dating website from some guy who clearly was interested in sex. He was young and hot and right away I gave him my email so we could exchange pics. Wow those pics were nice. I told him I was in bed naked and he said he wanted to come over. Now call it vanity, but I had already washed off my makeup and didn't want to meet someone with a bare face. Also, as much as they think I'm going to answer the door naked, I'm not, and would need to get up and get dressed. Told him I was about to go to sleep and that was that. Then not even 5 minutes later I received a text from someone I have been in contact with but haven't met in person yet. He said "wanna fuck"? I told him I was sleeping and he said "well you're awake now". I was literally just about asleep when he texted me. I should've had one of those guys over...when will I learn to take the opportunities as they are presented to me?
So today I decided to be super-slutty and have one of last night's craigslist guys over for an afternoon quickie before the other guy came over at 8pm. Meanwhile, 8pm guy postponed till tomorrow and I already arranged for another guy (20 years old) to come at 8. So craigslist guy came over a little later than arranged, he walked in, we headed towards the bedroom, then he said he forgot he had to go help his friend and he'd be right back. Sure he would. I never heard from him! Now keep in mind that we had exchanged pics, talked on the phone, everything. All I can think of is that he chickened out for some reason. Fine, I'd concentrate on 8pm guy. He was also running a little bit late but when he got here, the whole thing was finished so quickly that I hardly knew it happened!
So here I am. Saturday night. Sure I got some action today but it's not the action I wanted. It's not the guy I wanted. He still hasn't texted me and I refuse to text him until he does it first. I'm tired of giving him ample opportunities to see me and he doesn't take them, even though he keeps texting about how much he wants me. There's always some excuse - he has to work, he doesn't have gas money, whatever. Well you either want me or you don't. I want him too, but what good is that if he doesn't show up?
I find myself looking for the chemistry and connection I had with that guy. No one is good enough. No one even comes close. I don't understand how it can just be that way with some people but not with others...I don't understand what makes that happen between two people? With this guy, I somehow knew before we met that it would be amazing...I don't know how, but I could just tell by the way we talked when texting. I know it sounds crazy, but I knew. Maybe I should learn to sense that with other people, but I'm afraid if I reject every guy who doesn't meet that criteria, I'll have no one!
Tomorrow I have two people coming over. Slutty, I know, but I don't care what you think. The 1:00 guy promises to be fun but I guess I will have to see if we have any chemistry at all. the 7:00 guy (rescheduled from tonight) is super adorable and we're very attracted to each other but again, we'll see.
I feel that I need to further explore what makes sex "good" or "bad". Maybe next time.
Now here's what really happened. This is my life.
Yesterday during work, my favorite guy texted me and I asked him to come over last night. He hesitated at first, but I managed to convince him and we agreed upon 7pm. This is someone I had a lot of fun with and I was really really looking forward to seeing him again. If I only saw him all weekend, I would've been happy. So I went down to the bar in my building to have a drink or two before he arrived, then, thinking it was unusual that I hadn't heard from him, I decided to text him 15 minutes before 7 to ask if he was on his way. "Oh that was tonight?"
What???? Of course it was tonight! I re-read our texts from earlier in the day and the word "tonight" was all over the place! There was no doubt the arrangement was that he would come over at 7pm Friday night. WTF kind of game was he playing here? I encouraged him to come over anyway, but he didn't respond to my texts. Much later that night, we had a brief exchange that consisted of one-word answers from him.
For some reason I began scrambling for someone to come over. Anyone, apparently. As I usually do when this particular person no-shows, I turned to craigslist and answered a couple of ads, not really thinking anything would come of them and also not thinking about how I really don't have time for any new people right this minute. But of course they both responded. We exchanged pics as per the normal procedure and I informed them that I was not available this weekend.
Then I emailed another guy I'd met online and asked if he wanted to come over since my night had suddenly opened up. He did. When he arrived, he informed me that he just wanted a blow job and for whatever reason, perhaps because his pants were already down, I obliged. Well that was quick and unsatisfying.
Am I going for quality or quantity? I thought quality but sometimes I slip up.
Even later last night as I was in bed, still clutching my iPhone, I received a message on the dating website from some guy who clearly was interested in sex. He was young and hot and right away I gave him my email so we could exchange pics. Wow those pics were nice. I told him I was in bed naked and he said he wanted to come over. Now call it vanity, but I had already washed off my makeup and didn't want to meet someone with a bare face. Also, as much as they think I'm going to answer the door naked, I'm not, and would need to get up and get dressed. Told him I was about to go to sleep and that was that. Then not even 5 minutes later I received a text from someone I have been in contact with but haven't met in person yet. He said "wanna fuck"? I told him I was sleeping and he said "well you're awake now". I was literally just about asleep when he texted me. I should've had one of those guys over...when will I learn to take the opportunities as they are presented to me?
So today I decided to be super-slutty and have one of last night's craigslist guys over for an afternoon quickie before the other guy came over at 8pm. Meanwhile, 8pm guy postponed till tomorrow and I already arranged for another guy (20 years old) to come at 8. So craigslist guy came over a little later than arranged, he walked in, we headed towards the bedroom, then he said he forgot he had to go help his friend and he'd be right back. Sure he would. I never heard from him! Now keep in mind that we had exchanged pics, talked on the phone, everything. All I can think of is that he chickened out for some reason. Fine, I'd concentrate on 8pm guy. He was also running a little bit late but when he got here, the whole thing was finished so quickly that I hardly knew it happened!
So here I am. Saturday night. Sure I got some action today but it's not the action I wanted. It's not the guy I wanted. He still hasn't texted me and I refuse to text him until he does it first. I'm tired of giving him ample opportunities to see me and he doesn't take them, even though he keeps texting about how much he wants me. There's always some excuse - he has to work, he doesn't have gas money, whatever. Well you either want me or you don't. I want him too, but what good is that if he doesn't show up?
I find myself looking for the chemistry and connection I had with that guy. No one is good enough. No one even comes close. I don't understand how it can just be that way with some people but not with others...I don't understand what makes that happen between two people? With this guy, I somehow knew before we met that it would be amazing...I don't know how, but I could just tell by the way we talked when texting. I know it sounds crazy, but I knew. Maybe I should learn to sense that with other people, but I'm afraid if I reject every guy who doesn't meet that criteria, I'll have no one!
Tomorrow I have two people coming over. Slutty, I know, but I don't care what you think. The 1:00 guy promises to be fun but I guess I will have to see if we have any chemistry at all. the 7:00 guy (rescheduled from tonight) is super adorable and we're very attracted to each other but again, we'll see.
I feel that I need to further explore what makes sex "good" or "bad". Maybe next time.
The Regulars?
So I keep telling myself that I'll stop all this nonsense as soon as I get some regular guys to see, you know, regularly. So I have 2 1/2 (I'll explain the 1/2 later) now yet I have not been able to stop meeting new guys. First I'll tell you about the regular guys and then we'll examine why I can't stop meeting new ones.
Well there's The Musician. One night while sitting in my favorite bar, I sent him a message on the dating website. He was hot, 32 years old, and according to his profile, a musician. Now I'm not one of those women who gets all hot and bothered about musicians, especially when it's just sex that I want, but he was really hot. Unexpectedly, he messaged me back right away! He seemed (and still does, every time I see him) completely blown away that a woman just wants to have sex and nothing else. We made arrangements for him to come over that night. Yeah, I work fast. So he came right over and it turns out he lives and works in my neighborhood, so I knew this was going to be convenient and hopefully often. He was fun and naughty and just bent me right over and fucked me without a condom. I know what you're thinking, but sometimes it's just hotter that way. So the next couple of times, he texted me out of the blue and I had him come over. This guy is just a quick fuck, but sometimes that's all ya need!
I'm going to call the next one Mr. Normal. He's 23, super tall, and just a regular, normal nice guy. Not a tattoo in sight and he is genuinely the nicest, most considerate guy I've encountered so far, given the circumstances of our meeting. This one was from craigslist and I can tell you that sometimes guys don't treat you with the most basic of common courtesies when you meet them this way, even when it's your own ad they're responding to. It's just the nature of the game. So Mr. Normal always texts when he says he will and comes over when he says. I like that. There's no reason we can't treat each other with respect. The thing is, he's not a good kisser and I don't feel tons of chemistry with him, but what he IS good at is oral sex. Lots and lots of oral, for as long as I want. Amazing. He's also quite large and can go for a long time...I love that. So for these reasons, I keep him around.
Now I'm gonna go out on a limb here and call this next guy a "regular". It's the Puerto Rican. I've only seen him once but we both want to do this again, but things keep getting in the way. That's all I'm gonna say about that right now, but I'm sure there will be future updates.
Excuse me while I go address an email from a potential new guy...
And I'm back, ready to explain why I keep searching. The thing is, I feel like I can always find someone better, someone with whom I have more chemistry, someone hotter, someone who can come over more often. Just better. I even wonder to myself if I found all of these things, would I then stop searching? I truly don't know the answer to that question.
Well there's The Musician. One night while sitting in my favorite bar, I sent him a message on the dating website. He was hot, 32 years old, and according to his profile, a musician. Now I'm not one of those women who gets all hot and bothered about musicians, especially when it's just sex that I want, but he was really hot. Unexpectedly, he messaged me back right away! He seemed (and still does, every time I see him) completely blown away that a woman just wants to have sex and nothing else. We made arrangements for him to come over that night. Yeah, I work fast. So he came right over and it turns out he lives and works in my neighborhood, so I knew this was going to be convenient and hopefully often. He was fun and naughty and just bent me right over and fucked me without a condom. I know what you're thinking, but sometimes it's just hotter that way. So the next couple of times, he texted me out of the blue and I had him come over. This guy is just a quick fuck, but sometimes that's all ya need!
I'm going to call the next one Mr. Normal. He's 23, super tall, and just a regular, normal nice guy. Not a tattoo in sight and he is genuinely the nicest, most considerate guy I've encountered so far, given the circumstances of our meeting. This one was from craigslist and I can tell you that sometimes guys don't treat you with the most basic of common courtesies when you meet them this way, even when it's your own ad they're responding to. It's just the nature of the game. So Mr. Normal always texts when he says he will and comes over when he says. I like that. There's no reason we can't treat each other with respect. The thing is, he's not a good kisser and I don't feel tons of chemistry with him, but what he IS good at is oral sex. Lots and lots of oral, for as long as I want. Amazing. He's also quite large and can go for a long time...I love that. So for these reasons, I keep him around.
Now I'm gonna go out on a limb here and call this next guy a "regular". It's the Puerto Rican. I've only seen him once but we both want to do this again, but things keep getting in the way. That's all I'm gonna say about that right now, but I'm sure there will be future updates.
Excuse me while I go address an email from a potential new guy...
And I'm back, ready to explain why I keep searching. The thing is, I feel like I can always find someone better, someone with whom I have more chemistry, someone hotter, someone who can come over more often. Just better. I even wonder to myself if I found all of these things, would I then stop searching? I truly don't know the answer to that question.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
WTF?
Now I know this isn't supposed to be my personal journal, more like documentation of my experiences, but tonight I just need to get something off my chest.
I can't tell a single one of my friends because they'll misunderstand. Hell I don't even understand what's going on.
All I know is that one of the guys I've met has infiltrated my brain and I cannot stop thinking about him. I'm not gonna say which one, though if you've read all my posts you could probably figure it out. I know I'm going to see him again but it's just a matter of when. Meanwhile he keeps texting about how much he wants me. I can't stand it! But I absolutely live for those texts!
I texted him today that I was thinking about him and we are texting right now. Do I want a relationship with this guy? Probably not. However, being with him was the best experience ever and I want to feel that way again...soon. Texting about it is absolute torture!
If I could see this guy every day I literally would not need or want anyone else. Am I going soft? Nope, I am just now realizing what I was missing all these years...how awesome it can be, and frankly it's got me a little emotional.
I am trying to articulate why it's so awesome with this guy and all I can come up with is that I've never felt any connection like this with anyone. Yes, it's just sex, but it's amazing. Nothing is fake or forced; it's just effortless
uninhibited, and completely fucking hot. Chemistry like this is rare right?
That's all have to say about that and now I'm gonna go answer his latest text.
I can't tell a single one of my friends because they'll misunderstand. Hell I don't even understand what's going on.
All I know is that one of the guys I've met has infiltrated my brain and I cannot stop thinking about him. I'm not gonna say which one, though if you've read all my posts you could probably figure it out. I know I'm going to see him again but it's just a matter of when. Meanwhile he keeps texting about how much he wants me. I can't stand it! But I absolutely live for those texts!
I texted him today that I was thinking about him and we are texting right now. Do I want a relationship with this guy? Probably not. However, being with him was the best experience ever and I want to feel that way again...soon. Texting about it is absolute torture!
If I could see this guy every day I literally would not need or want anyone else. Am I going soft? Nope, I am just now realizing what I was missing all these years...how awesome it can be, and frankly it's got me a little emotional.
I am trying to articulate why it's so awesome with this guy and all I can come up with is that I've never felt any connection like this with anyone. Yes, it's just sex, but it's amazing. Nothing is fake or forced; it's just effortless
uninhibited, and completely fucking hot. Chemistry like this is rare right?
That's all have to say about that and now I'm gonna go answer his latest text.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Hotness
These next few can be described as one-time encounters with hot-ass guys! With each one, there was definite chemistry and I had a great time! I'm skipping around a little bit to put them in similar categories. As of this writing I've only seen these guys one time each, but that'll change soon.
We'll start with Suburban Cute. I believe my encounter with him happened pretty quickly. I recall being out shopping when his message came in on the dating website. Ironically, I was standing in front of the condoms about to put some in my basket. Looked like I'd be using them sooner than I thought! He wanted to meet that day for some naughty fun and I liked his pic and so we made arrangements for him to come over. He arrived and I instantly felt like this was going to be fun. He was only 21 but definitely took control of the situation; he was not shy and did not wait for me to get things started. I liked that. A lot. I wish more guys were like that.
The Nice Guy is 34 (I know, a little old!) and someone who at first glance wasn't really my type but he was cute and really really tall. We discussed what we wanted to do and agreed on a time when he'd come over. Well we sat on the sofa and after the usual awkward couple of minutes, I decided to just kiss him already. Fairly good kisser, good chemistry, so we pretty quickly headed into the bedroom. My god he was big! And he could go forEVER. I believe I finally found someone who actually tired me out! Good fun.
The Neighbor is 26 years old, lives in my 'hood, and has a girlfriend. He was quite hung from the pics he sent and very very cute. This guy was even cuter in person! Whoa. It was a pretty hot day but I didn't care. Really really good kisser and devastatingly blue eyes. Well, we were both pretty eager to get to it, so this one was hot, intense, and fairly quick. No regrets except that I haven't seen him again.
This next one was probably the dirtiest, most fun I'd had up until that point, therefore he earned the nickname Dirty Boy. 33 years old, I met him on the dating website and we had messaged a few times, both expressing interest in meeting....then he dropped off. Finally one night he sent me a message out of the blue asking if I wanted him to stop by. Well, I had my period that day and told him, but he just said "well we can do other stuff". Ok then! I'm game. He wanted me to leave my door unlocked and he'd just come right in and "attack" me. That sounded like a lot of fun, so I buzzed him in the main door, then unlocked the door to my place and waited. He walked in, I went over to him and locked the door, then he grabbed me and kissed me! He was so hot! There was tons of attraction and instant chemistry! I think sometimes all it takes is for two people to be on the same wavelength of "I want to have some uninhibited naughty fun"! So we made out a lot, then clothes came off. I gave him the most awesome blow job ever, for a really long time. There may or may not have been a video made on his phone of the "big finish", details of which will not be included here for anonymity purposes. I really want to see this guy again but I know these encounters will be few and far between.
Common theme here: chemistry, attraction, fun. Oh I could also include size.
Overall these four were some of my favorites.
We'll start with Suburban Cute. I believe my encounter with him happened pretty quickly. I recall being out shopping when his message came in on the dating website. Ironically, I was standing in front of the condoms about to put some in my basket. Looked like I'd be using them sooner than I thought! He wanted to meet that day for some naughty fun and I liked his pic and so we made arrangements for him to come over. He arrived and I instantly felt like this was going to be fun. He was only 21 but definitely took control of the situation; he was not shy and did not wait for me to get things started. I liked that. A lot. I wish more guys were like that.
The Nice Guy is 34 (I know, a little old!) and someone who at first glance wasn't really my type but he was cute and really really tall. We discussed what we wanted to do and agreed on a time when he'd come over. Well we sat on the sofa and after the usual awkward couple of minutes, I decided to just kiss him already. Fairly good kisser, good chemistry, so we pretty quickly headed into the bedroom. My god he was big! And he could go forEVER. I believe I finally found someone who actually tired me out! Good fun.
The Neighbor is 26 years old, lives in my 'hood, and has a girlfriend. He was quite hung from the pics he sent and very very cute. This guy was even cuter in person! Whoa. It was a pretty hot day but I didn't care. Really really good kisser and devastatingly blue eyes. Well, we were both pretty eager to get to it, so this one was hot, intense, and fairly quick. No regrets except that I haven't seen him again.
This next one was probably the dirtiest, most fun I'd had up until that point, therefore he earned the nickname Dirty Boy. 33 years old, I met him on the dating website and we had messaged a few times, both expressing interest in meeting....then he dropped off. Finally one night he sent me a message out of the blue asking if I wanted him to stop by. Well, I had my period that day and told him, but he just said "well we can do other stuff". Ok then! I'm game. He wanted me to leave my door unlocked and he'd just come right in and "attack" me. That sounded like a lot of fun, so I buzzed him in the main door, then unlocked the door to my place and waited. He walked in, I went over to him and locked the door, then he grabbed me and kissed me! He was so hot! There was tons of attraction and instant chemistry! I think sometimes all it takes is for two people to be on the same wavelength of "I want to have some uninhibited naughty fun"! So we made out a lot, then clothes came off. I gave him the most awesome blow job ever, for a really long time. There may or may not have been a video made on his phone of the "big finish", details of which will not be included here for anonymity purposes. I really want to see this guy again but I know these encounters will be few and far between.
Common theme here: chemistry, attraction, fun. Oh I could also include size.
Overall these four were some of my favorites.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Intensity
My therapist (whom I’m no longer seeing) said she thought it felt like I was looking for something and she may have been right. Remember Broken? It took a little while to get over him and I realized later that it was the intensity I was craving and not necessarily him. Being with him wasn’t even the full experience; I mean he was very inexperienced, had a very small dick, and wanted things I wouldn’t give him, yet at the same time the rest of the encounter was unexpectedly intense and amazing. I just wanted to be with as many guys as possible hoping for the 100% experience.
I think I found it this week.
I’ll call him Puerto Rico. Oh my. We met online and had been texting for about a month with several missed attempts at actually meeting. He’s 21 and the pics he sent were completely hot. I saw everything. The more we texted, the more I could actually get goose bumps just thinking about what it would be like to meet him. So keep in mind there were no deep conversations happening; it was all just super-hot discussion about what we wanted to do and how badly we wanted to do it. I would literally fall asleep many nights to him saying “goodnight baby”. Mmmm.
Forgetting his age and possible lack of confidence, I finally took control of the situation and texted him the other day telling him that I wanted him – today – and could he come over? He texted me back not 5 minutes later asking what time. Bingo! Now I wasn’t going to believe it until he was actually in my place, but he finally arrived and after a few awkward moments of a forced conversation, it was on. First of all, kissing him was amazing. We could not keep our hands off of each other. We were completely into each other in every way; he wasn’t selfish, he took control, lots and lots of kissing and biting.
It’s hard to describe to you exactly what is the “100% experience” other than to say that every single thing he did was right. Some guys are great kissers but they have small dicks. Some guys have big dicks but are horrible kissers. Sometimes there is attraction but absolutely no chemistry. This kind of thing cannot be manufactured; it just happens.
I am not sure if I will see Puerto Rico again but I certainly hope so and believe that is what we both agreed upon in our earlier emails. Friends with benefits as they say, though I’m more interested in the benefits. I’m sure there’s another blog post about him in my future.
I was with someone else the very next night after Puerto Rico. He was tall, skinny, normal-looking, and had a big dick. What could go wrong? Well there was no chemistry and he was a bad kisser! On the plus side, he loves doing oral sex on women AND he fucked me for a very long time just how I like it. So what’s a girl to do? Accept something that’s only 75% of what you want or 100%? What if I can’t find anyone else who meets my 100% criteria? I’d rather have something than nothing.
Am I getting tired of the chase? That’s part of the thrill! My mood fluctuates based on how many people are emailing or texting me. I placed another craigslist ad last weekend simply for the thrill of getting tons of emails from guys saying how much they wanted to fuck me. (I’ve met some of those already) Sometimes the chase is more fun than actually meeting these guys; once you meet them the thrill is gone. I may have to write more about how most guys, even when they agree that they’re looking for an ongoing situation, never contact you again.
I am not stopping, but my criteria might drastically change. I no longer wish to send endless emails to people with no hope of ever meeting. I’m not sending certain types of pics because I’m not your supplier of free porn. I’m not interested in most long-distance email relationships, though I will keep a couple of them around.
Monday, August 27, 2012
The Gangsta
The Gangsta gets his own blog post for a few reasons. He was one of the first guys to message me on the dating website after I set up my profile. He's 21 and said he wanted an older woman to teach him stuff. Ok. I can do that. Secondly, he is the cutest, most pain-in-the-ass boy I haven't even officially had actual sex with yet.
The story begins with the usual few messages on the dating website until we very quickly switched to texting. Almost every single night he would text me and we'd have long involved conversations about what we wanted to do or not do. He immediately had me laughing to myself at his audacity to just blurt out certain things or offer me advice that I'd obviously not need from a 21 year old. (just get on birth control!) All of our conversations were alternately hot, interesting, adorable, or flat-out entertaining. We both agreed that we had to meet soon.
Now the thing is, when dealing with guys that young, you are sometimes confronted with things like "I don't have a car", "I don't have bus money this week", or "I can only meet you at 5:30 in the morning"....adorable! Several times he texted me in the wee morning hours ordering me to call in sick so we could fuck all day. Adorable! Audacious! Ridiculous! (no I never called in sick to meet this guy)
One day he agreed to meet me on a Sunday and "fuck me all day", something he'd been promising for quite some time but still hasn't come through. I said it might be fun if we drank or at least did a couple of shots so I asked what he'd like to drink.
Peach Ciroc.
Really? Now kids, keep in mind that Ciroc is P-Diddy's brand of vodka. This is why he earned the nickname "The Gangsta" because all at once, he thought he was some kind of hip-hop star wannabe while at the same time favoring a drink that is very much NOT gangsta! So I bought him a bottle of Peach Ciroc.
He never showed up. That bottle is looooong gone, having been shared with another guy who shall have his own chapter much later in the program.
Now, The Gangsta also had some fantasy about meeting me in the woods and taking a walk on some kind of trail late late at night. I told him no, I'm a grown woman and I have my own place so there's no need to fuck in the woods like a teenager! I actually finally gave in and agreed to this a couple of times, but it never happened for one reason or another. I went back and forth about whether or not I'd meet him like this and he continued to refuse to simply take the bus to my place.
Argh!!!
Yet I still kept on with this kid for some reason...he had some kind of hold over me.
Finally, one day I agreed to meet him as we both agreed it was time. Keep in mind we'd been communicating for about a month at this point and it was getting pretty ridiculous. So one evening he texted me an intersection north of downtown. I took a cab there around 11pm and found myself deposited in a very dark corner park. He was nowhere to be seen. I texted him and he assured me he was on his way.
Finally I saw him walking towards me in the darkness...he walked up and kissed me.
After I let him know I didn't appreciate waiting for him alone in a dark park, we walked around and found a relatively secluded spot. There was groping, his pants came down a little bit, my top got pulled down...this was as close as he was gonna get to his fuck-you-in-the-woods fantasy, without the fucking.
We ended up on the swings where we talked for quite a while. Nice kid, actually, but he was too busy trying to live up to some playa image he had of himself.
When it was time to go, I called a cab but they would not pick me up at an intersection; I needed to be at an actual address. The Gansta walked me to a nearby store where he waited with me for a few minutes and then walked off to meet his friends, leaving me there! 1:00am in a store parking lot! By myself!
Since that night, he has texted me on and off, usually in the wee morning hours, but other times too. Recently he texted me late one night saying he was super drunk and would I call him? Well I was drunk too so I did call and we talked for quite a while.
He still has not found the time to make it to my house, but I feel like it'll happen eventually. I have no idea how good it'll be, but at this point I don't care; I just want it to happen.
The story begins with the usual few messages on the dating website until we very quickly switched to texting. Almost every single night he would text me and we'd have long involved conversations about what we wanted to do or not do. He immediately had me laughing to myself at his audacity to just blurt out certain things or offer me advice that I'd obviously not need from a 21 year old. (just get on birth control!) All of our conversations were alternately hot, interesting, adorable, or flat-out entertaining. We both agreed that we had to meet soon.
Now the thing is, when dealing with guys that young, you are sometimes confronted with things like "I don't have a car", "I don't have bus money this week", or "I can only meet you at 5:30 in the morning"....adorable! Several times he texted me in the wee morning hours ordering me to call in sick so we could fuck all day. Adorable! Audacious! Ridiculous! (no I never called in sick to meet this guy)
One day he agreed to meet me on a Sunday and "fuck me all day", something he'd been promising for quite some time but still hasn't come through. I said it might be fun if we drank or at least did a couple of shots so I asked what he'd like to drink.
Peach Ciroc.
Really? Now kids, keep in mind that Ciroc is P-Diddy's brand of vodka. This is why he earned the nickname "The Gangsta" because all at once, he thought he was some kind of hip-hop star wannabe while at the same time favoring a drink that is very much NOT gangsta! So I bought him a bottle of Peach Ciroc.
He never showed up. That bottle is looooong gone, having been shared with another guy who shall have his own chapter much later in the program.
Now, The Gangsta also had some fantasy about meeting me in the woods and taking a walk on some kind of trail late late at night. I told him no, I'm a grown woman and I have my own place so there's no need to fuck in the woods like a teenager! I actually finally gave in and agreed to this a couple of times, but it never happened for one reason or another. I went back and forth about whether or not I'd meet him like this and he continued to refuse to simply take the bus to my place.
Argh!!!
Yet I still kept on with this kid for some reason...he had some kind of hold over me.
Finally, one day I agreed to meet him as we both agreed it was time. Keep in mind we'd been communicating for about a month at this point and it was getting pretty ridiculous. So one evening he texted me an intersection north of downtown. I took a cab there around 11pm and found myself deposited in a very dark corner park. He was nowhere to be seen. I texted him and he assured me he was on his way.
Finally I saw him walking towards me in the darkness...he walked up and kissed me.
After I let him know I didn't appreciate waiting for him alone in a dark park, we walked around and found a relatively secluded spot. There was groping, his pants came down a little bit, my top got pulled down...this was as close as he was gonna get to his fuck-you-in-the-woods fantasy, without the fucking.
We ended up on the swings where we talked for quite a while. Nice kid, actually, but he was too busy trying to live up to some playa image he had of himself.
When it was time to go, I called a cab but they would not pick me up at an intersection; I needed to be at an actual address. The Gansta walked me to a nearby store where he waited with me for a few minutes and then walked off to meet his friends, leaving me there! 1:00am in a store parking lot! By myself!
Since that night, he has texted me on and off, usually in the wee morning hours, but other times too. Recently he texted me late one night saying he was super drunk and would I call him? Well I was drunk too so I did call and we talked for quite a while.
He still has not found the time to make it to my house, but I feel like it'll happen eventually. I have no idea how good it'll be, but at this point I don't care; I just want it to happen.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Broken
You know, people - especially women - ask me all the time how I can just have sex with people I don't have feelings for. Don't I have to "like" them before I do it? Don't I start to "like" them after we do it? How can I be like a guy and separate sex and love?
This is a silly question to me. It's so simple but at the same time there's so much more to it.
The simple explanation: yes, I can have sex purely for fun and I don't have to be in love. My question is, why can't everyone? Why can't you allow yourselves that pleasure?
The complex explanation: I like everyone I have sex with. I don't want a relationship with them, but every one of them (ok, except for a few in the beginning) has qualities that I like. Sometimes it's as simple as how completely fucking hot they are. Sometimes they're really funny, sweet, vulnerable, eager, gentle, rough, intense, dirty, uninhibited, nice, silly...I could go on. I can separate romantic feelings from sex but at the same time I don't think you really have to in order to enjoy a lot of sex with a lot of different people.
I enjoy the total experience. I love the pursuit and then the initial contact. I love the process of exchanging email addresses and how sometimes we graduate to texting. With some of them, there was intense emailing for up to a week or more before we even met! More often recently I've been texting most of them. The dynamic with each one is completely different and it's fun figuring out what makes each of them tick, what gets them off. Some ask how my day went, some just want to know if I'm naked or not.
Most leave when we're done, but some have stayed and talked or watched t.v. or compared Facebook pages. Sometimes it's quick and dirty and sometimes it's not. I like it all.
Which brings me to Broken. We met online on the dating website and somehow there seemed to be an immediate connection. It was the most bizarre thing because he was only 22 and we made it immediately clear we were both looking for casual sex, but agreed it's better when there's some kind of connection.
Let me just stop for a minute because this confused even my therapist. Secretgrrrl, you say you don't want a relationship but then you keep talking about this connection business. Isn't that the same thing? No it is not. It's hard to define a connection but I can tell you I've met people with whom I've had the most intense connections but that only lasted for a short time.
So back to my experience with Broken. We messaged and it quickly became texting almost non-stop for two days except for sleeping. Even then we were up pretty late. We discussed all the things we wanted to do. We discussed life, relationships, love, everything.
Then it got weird. Late on the second night of texting, he decided to reveal to me his particular kink. Now in the interest of anonymity, I'm not going into specifics but I'll just say that it was a little too extreme for me. It was something you should screen for immediately upon meeting someone if you are indeed interested in pursuing this activity with them. He chose to wait. Immediately my heart sank. (there I go using romantic terms again just to confuse you!) Would he still want to meet me? Would I be able to satisfy him without doing those things? Why did I care so much about this? Why didn't I just abandon ship?
After all of that talk, I still really wanted to meet him and told him this. He agreed and came to my place that following night. I met him outside and we immediately started kissing. Whoa. Definitely something there, even if it was just intense physical attraction. We finally made it upstairs and we just could not stop kissing! I couldn't keep my hands off of him! So the sex was okay, size was not impressive or even very satisfying, but there was something about this guy that drove me absolutely crazy and I felt it from him too.
So after he left and was back home, I texted him saying that I had a really good time and wanted to see him again very soon. He enthusiastically agreed, punctuating this with exclamations after every sentence. He said he would come over after work the following day and would text me tomorrow, adding that it was going to be hard to concentrate at work the next day. We both agreed that waiting till then would be difficult and we couldn't stop thinking about each other.
Great...I felt good.
Broken never texted and never came over. I never heard from him again.
Somehow I felt like this was some failure on my part and it took me a week or two to get over it completely. I missed him but at the same time knew he wasn't even the best lover. Eventually I realized that I didn't miss him, I missed that feeling of intensity that we had.
I wish I had something to say about this, some lesson to be learned, something I could do better next time, but I really don't. I don't regret a single moment of my 3 day "relationship" with Broken.
This is a silly question to me. It's so simple but at the same time there's so much more to it.
The simple explanation: yes, I can have sex purely for fun and I don't have to be in love. My question is, why can't everyone? Why can't you allow yourselves that pleasure?
The complex explanation: I like everyone I have sex with. I don't want a relationship with them, but every one of them (ok, except for a few in the beginning) has qualities that I like. Sometimes it's as simple as how completely fucking hot they are. Sometimes they're really funny, sweet, vulnerable, eager, gentle, rough, intense, dirty, uninhibited, nice, silly...I could go on. I can separate romantic feelings from sex but at the same time I don't think you really have to in order to enjoy a lot of sex with a lot of different people.
I enjoy the total experience. I love the pursuit and then the initial contact. I love the process of exchanging email addresses and how sometimes we graduate to texting. With some of them, there was intense emailing for up to a week or more before we even met! More often recently I've been texting most of them. The dynamic with each one is completely different and it's fun figuring out what makes each of them tick, what gets them off. Some ask how my day went, some just want to know if I'm naked or not.
Most leave when we're done, but some have stayed and talked or watched t.v. or compared Facebook pages. Sometimes it's quick and dirty and sometimes it's not. I like it all.
Which brings me to Broken. We met online on the dating website and somehow there seemed to be an immediate connection. It was the most bizarre thing because he was only 22 and we made it immediately clear we were both looking for casual sex, but agreed it's better when there's some kind of connection.
Let me just stop for a minute because this confused even my therapist. Secretgrrrl, you say you don't want a relationship but then you keep talking about this connection business. Isn't that the same thing? No it is not. It's hard to define a connection but I can tell you I've met people with whom I've had the most intense connections but that only lasted for a short time.
So back to my experience with Broken. We messaged and it quickly became texting almost non-stop for two days except for sleeping. Even then we were up pretty late. We discussed all the things we wanted to do. We discussed life, relationships, love, everything.
Then it got weird. Late on the second night of texting, he decided to reveal to me his particular kink. Now in the interest of anonymity, I'm not going into specifics but I'll just say that it was a little too extreme for me. It was something you should screen for immediately upon meeting someone if you are indeed interested in pursuing this activity with them. He chose to wait. Immediately my heart sank. (there I go using romantic terms again just to confuse you!) Would he still want to meet me? Would I be able to satisfy him without doing those things? Why did I care so much about this? Why didn't I just abandon ship?
After all of that talk, I still really wanted to meet him and told him this. He agreed and came to my place that following night. I met him outside and we immediately started kissing. Whoa. Definitely something there, even if it was just intense physical attraction. We finally made it upstairs and we just could not stop kissing! I couldn't keep my hands off of him! So the sex was okay, size was not impressive or even very satisfying, but there was something about this guy that drove me absolutely crazy and I felt it from him too.
So after he left and was back home, I texted him saying that I had a really good time and wanted to see him again very soon. He enthusiastically agreed, punctuating this with exclamations after every sentence. He said he would come over after work the following day and would text me tomorrow, adding that it was going to be hard to concentrate at work the next day. We both agreed that waiting till then would be difficult and we couldn't stop thinking about each other.
Great...I felt good.
Broken never texted and never came over. I never heard from him again.
Somehow I felt like this was some failure on my part and it took me a week or two to get over it completely. I missed him but at the same time knew he wasn't even the best lover. Eventually I realized that I didn't miss him, I missed that feeling of intensity that we had.
I wish I had something to say about this, some lesson to be learned, something I could do better next time, but I really don't. I don't regret a single moment of my 3 day "relationship" with Broken.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
The Dom
Lazy Sunday afternoon. I'm doing nothing in particular but browsing on the dating web site for someone interesting, when I came across a really cute 23 year old guy. He explained in his profile that he was a "dom" but no other description of said activities or preferences. In his only pic, he was wearing sunglasses that barely covered up his baby face. A friend told me she could tell that the pic was taken at Disneyland. Sexy! On the mobile app there's a feature that allows you to contact someone and tell them you are interested in something immediate, so that's what I did. What else did I have to do that day? Who else did I have to do that day?
He was interested and we agreed he'd be here in an hour. He said he had a family function that afternoon so it would be quick. Fine by me. The thing was, he was late because of "traffic" or something so this cut into our time together. He arrived looking completely adorable in shorts, t-shirt, flip-flops, hat on backwards, and those damn sunglasses.
I knew right away this was going to be quick by his hurried demeanor. We headed straight for the bedroom where it basically turned into a blow job for him. So far I had not observed any dominant behavior of any kind, so I left it alone. I guess he probably thought he was being bossy when he ordered me to my knees so he could cum on me.
He left and I never heard back until about a month later when he sent me a message on the site. I said something about how I still wasn't convinced that he was a dom and asked what he meant by that. Well, I got my answer in a very long message describing his encounter with another woman in which he completely degraded her. I'm talking disgusting stuff involving pee and poo and making her crawl on the floor, etc. I won't even go into all of it, but it was clear to me that this kid had issues. It was made even clearer when I read his updated profile in where he described being recently out of a relationship in which he was cheated on.
Hmmm.
So after receiving that description, I had to clear up a few things for him by sending him a long list of things I will and will not do, the will-nots mostly being everything he did to that other girl. I then proceeded to inform him that being a dom does not mean degrading women; it's actually more of a mental thing than anything else.
He never messaged me back and I'm completely ok with the fact that he's probably out there trying to convince unsuspecting younger women that he's dominant when in fact he's just pissed off at women.
He was interested and we agreed he'd be here in an hour. He said he had a family function that afternoon so it would be quick. Fine by me. The thing was, he was late because of "traffic" or something so this cut into our time together. He arrived looking completely adorable in shorts, t-shirt, flip-flops, hat on backwards, and those damn sunglasses.
I knew right away this was going to be quick by his hurried demeanor. We headed straight for the bedroom where it basically turned into a blow job for him. So far I had not observed any dominant behavior of any kind, so I left it alone. I guess he probably thought he was being bossy when he ordered me to my knees so he could cum on me.
He left and I never heard back until about a month later when he sent me a message on the site. I said something about how I still wasn't convinced that he was a dom and asked what he meant by that. Well, I got my answer in a very long message describing his encounter with another woman in which he completely degraded her. I'm talking disgusting stuff involving pee and poo and making her crawl on the floor, etc. I won't even go into all of it, but it was clear to me that this kid had issues. It was made even clearer when I read his updated profile in where he described being recently out of a relationship in which he was cheated on.
Hmmm.
So after receiving that description, I had to clear up a few things for him by sending him a long list of things I will and will not do, the will-nots mostly being everything he did to that other girl. I then proceeded to inform him that being a dom does not mean degrading women; it's actually more of a mental thing than anything else.
He never messaged me back and I'm completely ok with the fact that he's probably out there trying to convince unsuspecting younger women that he's dominant when in fact he's just pissed off at women.
Uninhibited
If I had to think of one word to describe my encounter with this next guy it would be uninhibited. Next in line would be spontaneous. Two awesome ways to be, in my opinion. I want more of these two things. I want a lot more of many things.
The Genius. The Scholar. Completely fucking hot 22 year old guy going to grad school for something super-genius-scholarly.
My experience with him started with a random chat window popping up while I was on the dating website. He was very polite, not at all crude like many of the young ones. Don't get me wrong, I like the nasty dirty talk, but it's a bit refreshing to know that it is indeed possible to get into my pants without it. I got the impression he wanted to meet that night but I was busy and said we should chat another time.
The very next evening I was sitting in a bar with some friends and a message came through from the dating web site's app on my iPhone. Wow, "another time" just got moved up! He said he was "taking a break from work" so I pounced on that (because apparently that's what cougars do) and told him I was drinking at the bar in my building and wasn't that convenient? He agreed that it was and I asked him to meet me there.
Now keep in mind I was already feeling a little toasty having had two very strong drinks. He arrived and conveniently enough, my friends had vacated the bar stool next to me so he sat down and ordered the same drink I was having. He looked just like his pics online - cute, scruffy, tall, disheveled college student. After a few minutes of the obligatory get-to-know-you conversation, we both realized that we needed to get upstairs as soon as possible, so he downed his drink and helped me finish mine.
I was told later by observers that we looked like we were in a big hurry as we made our way across the courtyard towards my building. I know that I was! The second we walked into my condo, we just fucking attacked each other! Mad kissing and clothing removal! Into the bedroom, onto the bed, where he promptly and enthusiastically dove downstairs. Wow. We were totally into each other. You cannot manufacture that kind of chemistry. When I was not able to finish (as is the norm when I first meet you), he said "well, I owe you two next time". YES!
His body was hairy but in an awesome, natural I-don't-bother-with-manscaping-because-I'm-too-busy-getting-my-PhD way. This is what I was talking about previously; you can just be natural and normal and it's totally fucking hot. I felt like I was in a 70s porno or something and I loved it! He asked where I wanted him to cum and I pointed to my chest. He was happy to oblige and promptly rub it all over me with his hand. Wow! Then we actually sorta cuddled and talked for a bit while I played with the hair on his chest and other places and he gently ran his hand back and forth on my arm. It was nice!
We agreed to do this again - though that's what everyone says but most of the time it never happens - but somehow I felt this was different. I knew he was super busy so I decided to let him contact me when he had a break from work. Then the other day it happened! I noticed he had viewed my profile so I checked out his so he'd know. Then he popped up in chat again! I told him I really had a lot of fun with him last time because it was so spontaneous and fun and he agreed. He wants to come back "soon" so I'm just going to let him tell me when.
Needless to say, I'm looking forward to round two.
The Genius. The Scholar. Completely fucking hot 22 year old guy going to grad school for something super-genius-scholarly.
My experience with him started with a random chat window popping up while I was on the dating website. He was very polite, not at all crude like many of the young ones. Don't get me wrong, I like the nasty dirty talk, but it's a bit refreshing to know that it is indeed possible to get into my pants without it. I got the impression he wanted to meet that night but I was busy and said we should chat another time.
The very next evening I was sitting in a bar with some friends and a message came through from the dating web site's app on my iPhone. Wow, "another time" just got moved up! He said he was "taking a break from work" so I pounced on that (because apparently that's what cougars do) and told him I was drinking at the bar in my building and wasn't that convenient? He agreed that it was and I asked him to meet me there.
Now keep in mind I was already feeling a little toasty having had two very strong drinks. He arrived and conveniently enough, my friends had vacated the bar stool next to me so he sat down and ordered the same drink I was having. He looked just like his pics online - cute, scruffy, tall, disheveled college student. After a few minutes of the obligatory get-to-know-you conversation, we both realized that we needed to get upstairs as soon as possible, so he downed his drink and helped me finish mine.
I was told later by observers that we looked like we were in a big hurry as we made our way across the courtyard towards my building. I know that I was! The second we walked into my condo, we just fucking attacked each other! Mad kissing and clothing removal! Into the bedroom, onto the bed, where he promptly and enthusiastically dove downstairs. Wow. We were totally into each other. You cannot manufacture that kind of chemistry. When I was not able to finish (as is the norm when I first meet you), he said "well, I owe you two next time". YES!
His body was hairy but in an awesome, natural I-don't-bother-with-manscaping-because-I'm-too-busy-getting-my-PhD way. This is what I was talking about previously; you can just be natural and normal and it's totally fucking hot. I felt like I was in a 70s porno or something and I loved it! He asked where I wanted him to cum and I pointed to my chest. He was happy to oblige and promptly rub it all over me with his hand. Wow! Then we actually sorta cuddled and talked for a bit while I played with the hair on his chest and other places and he gently ran his hand back and forth on my arm. It was nice!
We agreed to do this again - though that's what everyone says but most of the time it never happens - but somehow I felt this was different. I knew he was super busy so I decided to let him contact me when he had a break from work. Then the other day it happened! I noticed he had viewed my profile so I checked out his so he'd know. Then he popped up in chat again! I told him I really had a lot of fun with him last time because it was so spontaneous and fun and he agreed. He wants to come back "soon" so I'm just going to let him tell me when.
Needless to say, I'm looking forward to round two.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
What's The Rush?
These next few were mostly fun, but brief. Haha. Everyone was from Craigslist except The DJ. I love how totally random some of these were...I was on my way home from an eyebrow waxing appointment when The DJ sent me a message on OK Cupid. I always perk up a little bit when I have incoming communication from hot guys. We'd been looking at each other's profiles a few times so someone had to make the move! He was 30 years old and just looking for something quick and immediate and naturally, so was I. I said sure, come on over in about an hour. He showed up and was really cute, kinda short, tattoos, just how I like em. The downside is that he was so nervous that it was over almost before it started! Ah well...
You're probably thinking Secretgrrrl, you like em ALL and we can't figure out your type! Well that may be partially correct. I like to think I'm sampling all of the varieties of men and opening my mind to all different types. I can't stand it when women restrict themselves to a "type" that they think they should like. Here's a newsflash for you: I don't think Brad Pitt is all that fucking great. Yes, he's conventionally attractive I guess, but I don't really prefer blondes and he's a little too man-pretty. He tries to cover it up with facial hair, but it doesn't work.
So yeah, I'm going out of my comfort zone and opening my mind to new things. I never thought I'd like any guy who was short or skinny, but those are some of my favorite men now!
The Construction Worker. My god he was hot. Conventionally hot. Ripped body, 28 years old, tan ALL over, completely hairless, big dick. Whoa. He came over and got the job done. What did I learn from that experience? Guys, please don't shave your entire body...it's a little weird. And girls, please learn to appreciate the way our bodies naturally are; if you want completely hairless, go fuck a mannequin. I don't wanna feel stubble on your chest; I'd rather feel your hair! Even down there...I like it mostly all natural. Well he was fun and another new experience, which is the whole point of this exercise!
Next we have Closeted. This 24 year old man was of mixed race and the pics he sent made him look like a little thug, which was part of the attraction. His emails to me were full of excitement and eagerness, so I made this happen sooner than I was planning to. The man who walked into my place was the same one in the pic, but completely different! This guy was tall, really really skinny but muscular, smelled like the cologne counter at Nordstrom, and was dressed very fashionably, complete with a designer belt. I knew something was up when the first thing he did was compliment my hair. He was really nervous and kept talking fast about nothing interesting, until we finally made it to the sofa. I felt like everything he did was practiced and choreographed, like something out of a cheesy romance novel. We finally made it to the bedroom where the cheesiness continued, until he was finished so quickly that it took me by surprise! He made some excuse about why he had to "go down to his car" and then never came back! For these reasons, I believe this man is gay. I feel like I violated some code by canoodling with this guy. I'm sorry, gays! He's yours now!
And then there was Cali. This guy was hot and exactly what I would traditionally call my "type". Hot, dark hair and eyes, covered in tattoos, a bit of an attitude, hat on backwards. Mmmmm, delicious! He was 28 and super naughty! We emailed and texted first and from the sound of it, we were gonna have a great time! He seemed uninhibited and even sent me a video of himself um, jerking off "for me". Thank you! Yes, I was excited to meet him. However, when he got here, again with the quick finish! Damn, some guys are all talk.
I'm going to end it here for now. My next chapter might be dedicated to just one guy. Stay tuned to find out why he deserves it!
You're probably thinking Secretgrrrl, you like em ALL and we can't figure out your type! Well that may be partially correct. I like to think I'm sampling all of the varieties of men and opening my mind to all different types. I can't stand it when women restrict themselves to a "type" that they think they should like. Here's a newsflash for you: I don't think Brad Pitt is all that fucking great. Yes, he's conventionally attractive I guess, but I don't really prefer blondes and he's a little too man-pretty. He tries to cover it up with facial hair, but it doesn't work.
So yeah, I'm going out of my comfort zone and opening my mind to new things. I never thought I'd like any guy who was short or skinny, but those are some of my favorite men now!
The Construction Worker. My god he was hot. Conventionally hot. Ripped body, 28 years old, tan ALL over, completely hairless, big dick. Whoa. He came over and got the job done. What did I learn from that experience? Guys, please don't shave your entire body...it's a little weird. And girls, please learn to appreciate the way our bodies naturally are; if you want completely hairless, go fuck a mannequin. I don't wanna feel stubble on your chest; I'd rather feel your hair! Even down there...I like it mostly all natural. Well he was fun and another new experience, which is the whole point of this exercise!
Next we have Closeted. This 24 year old man was of mixed race and the pics he sent made him look like a little thug, which was part of the attraction. His emails to me were full of excitement and eagerness, so I made this happen sooner than I was planning to. The man who walked into my place was the same one in the pic, but completely different! This guy was tall, really really skinny but muscular, smelled like the cologne counter at Nordstrom, and was dressed very fashionably, complete with a designer belt. I knew something was up when the first thing he did was compliment my hair. He was really nervous and kept talking fast about nothing interesting, until we finally made it to the sofa. I felt like everything he did was practiced and choreographed, like something out of a cheesy romance novel. We finally made it to the bedroom where the cheesiness continued, until he was finished so quickly that it took me by surprise! He made some excuse about why he had to "go down to his car" and then never came back! For these reasons, I believe this man is gay. I feel like I violated some code by canoodling with this guy. I'm sorry, gays! He's yours now!
And then there was Cali. This guy was hot and exactly what I would traditionally call my "type". Hot, dark hair and eyes, covered in tattoos, a bit of an attitude, hat on backwards. Mmmmm, delicious! He was 28 and super naughty! We emailed and texted first and from the sound of it, we were gonna have a great time! He seemed uninhibited and even sent me a video of himself um, jerking off "for me". Thank you! Yes, I was excited to meet him. However, when he got here, again with the quick finish! Damn, some guys are all talk.
I'm going to end it here for now. My next chapter might be dedicated to just one guy. Stay tuned to find out why he deserves it!
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