Intensity

My therapist (whom I’m no longer seeing) said she thought it felt like I was looking for something and she may have been right.  Remember Broken?  It took a little while to get over him and I realized later that it was the intensity I was craving and not necessarily him.  Being with him wasn’t even the full experience; I mean he was very inexperienced, had a very small dick, and wanted things I wouldn’t give him, yet at the same time the rest of the encounter was unexpectedly intense and amazing.  I just wanted to be with as many guys as possible hoping for the 100% experience.

I think I found it this week.

I’ll call him Puerto Rico.  Oh my.  We met online and had been texting for about a month with several missed attempts at actually meeting.  He’s 21 and the pics he sent were completely hot.  I saw everything.  The more we texted, the more I could actually get goose bumps just thinking about what it would be like to meet him.  So keep in mind there were no deep conversations happening; it was all just super-hot discussion about what we wanted to do and how badly we wanted to do it.  I would literally fall asleep many nights to him saying “goodnight baby”.  Mmmm. 

Forgetting his age and possible lack of confidence, I finally took control of the situation and texted him the other day telling him that I wanted him – today – and could he come over?  He texted me back not 5 minutes later asking what time.  Bingo!  Now I wasn’t going to believe it until he was actually in my place, but he finally arrived and after a few awkward moments of a forced conversation, it was on.  First of all, kissing him was amazing.  We could not keep our hands off of each other.  We were completely into each other in every way; he wasn’t selfish, he took control, lots and lots of kissing and biting. 

It’s hard to describe to you exactly what is the “100% experience” other than to say that every single thing he did was right.  Some guys are great kissers but they have small dicks.  Some guys have big dicks but are horrible kissers.  Sometimes there is attraction but absolutely no chemistry.  This kind of thing cannot be manufactured; it just happens. 

I am not sure if I will see Puerto Rico again but I certainly hope so and believe that is what we both agreed upon in our earlier emails.  Friends with benefits as they say, though I’m more interested in the benefits.  I’m sure there’s another blog post about him in my future.

I was with someone else the very next night after Puerto Rico.  He was tall, skinny, normal-looking, and had a big dick.  What could go wrong?  Well there was no chemistry and he was a bad kisser!  On the plus side, he loves doing oral sex on women AND he fucked me for a very long time just how I like it.  So what’s a girl to do?  Accept something that’s only 75% of what you want or 100%?  What if I can’t find anyone else who meets my 100% criteria?  I’d rather have something than nothing. 

Am I getting tired of the chase?  That’s part of the thrill!  My mood fluctuates based on how many people are emailing or texting me.  I placed another craigslist ad last weekend simply for the thrill of getting tons of emails from guys saying how much they wanted to fuck me.  (I’ve met some of those already)  Sometimes the chase is more fun than actually meeting these guys; once you meet them the thrill is gone.  I may have to write more about how most guys, even when they agree that they’re looking for an ongoing situation, never contact you again. 

I am not stopping, but my criteria might drastically change.  I no longer wish to send endless emails to people with no hope of ever meeting.  I’m not sending certain types of pics because I’m not your supplier of free porn.  I’m not interested in most long-distance email relationships, though I will keep a couple of them around.