Let's discuss how my weekend was supposed to play out. Earlier in the week I made plans to meet a guy tonight (Saturday); he was to come over at 8pm and we were both looking forward to it. Then I also met another guy online and we have plans for tomorrow at 1pm. Great. Why couldn't I be happy with that?
Now here's what really happened. This is my life.
Yesterday during work, my favorite guy texted me and I asked him to come over last night. He hesitated at first, but I managed to convince him and we agreed upon 7pm. This is someone I had a lot of fun with and I was really really looking forward to seeing him again. If I only saw him all weekend, I would've been happy. So I went down to the bar in my building to have a drink or two before he arrived, then, thinking it was unusual that I hadn't heard from him, I decided to text him 15 minutes before 7 to ask if he was on his way. "Oh that was tonight?"
What???? Of course it was tonight! I re-read our texts from earlier in the day and the word "tonight" was all over the place! There was no doubt the arrangement was that he would come over at 7pm Friday night. WTF kind of game was he playing here? I encouraged him to come over anyway, but he didn't respond to my texts. Much later that night, we had a brief exchange that consisted of one-word answers from him.
For some reason I began scrambling for someone to come over. Anyone, apparently. As I usually do when this particular person no-shows, I turned to craigslist and answered a couple of ads, not really thinking anything would come of them and also not thinking about how I really don't have time for any new people right this minute. But of course they both responded. We exchanged pics as per the normal procedure and I informed them that I was not available this weekend.
Then I emailed another guy I'd met online and asked if he wanted to come over since my night had suddenly opened up. He did. When he arrived, he informed me that he just wanted a blow job and for whatever reason, perhaps because his pants were already down, I obliged. Well that was quick and unsatisfying.
Am I going for quality or quantity? I thought quality but sometimes I slip up.
Even later last night as I was in bed, still clutching my iPhone, I received a message on the dating website from some guy who clearly was interested in sex. He was young and hot and right away I gave him my email so we could exchange pics. Wow those pics were nice. I told him I was in bed naked and he said he wanted to come over. Now call it vanity, but I had already washed off my makeup and didn't want to meet someone with a bare face. Also, as much as they think I'm going to answer the door naked, I'm not, and would need to get up and get dressed. Told him I was about to go to sleep and that was that. Then not even 5 minutes later I received a text from someone I have been in contact with but haven't met in person yet. He said "wanna fuck"? I told him I was sleeping and he said "well you're awake now". I was literally just about asleep when he texted me. I should've had one of those guys over...when will I learn to take the opportunities as they are presented to me?
So today I decided to be super-slutty and have one of last night's craigslist guys over for an afternoon quickie before the other guy came over at 8pm. Meanwhile, 8pm guy postponed till tomorrow and I already arranged for another guy (20 years old) to come at 8. So craigslist guy came over a little later than arranged, he walked in, we headed towards the bedroom, then he said he forgot he had to go help his friend and he'd be right back. Sure he would. I never heard from him! Now keep in mind that we had exchanged pics, talked on the phone, everything. All I can think of is that he chickened out for some reason. Fine, I'd concentrate on 8pm guy. He was also running a little bit late but when he got here, the whole thing was finished so quickly that I hardly knew it happened!
So here I am. Saturday night. Sure I got some action today but it's not the action I wanted. It's not the guy I wanted. He still hasn't texted me and I refuse to text him until he does it first. I'm tired of giving him ample opportunities to see me and he doesn't take them, even though he keeps texting about how much he wants me. There's always some excuse - he has to work, he doesn't have gas money, whatever. Well you either want me or you don't. I want him too, but what good is that if he doesn't show up?
I find myself looking for the chemistry and connection I had with that guy. No one is good enough. No one even comes close. I don't understand how it can just be that way with some people but not with others...I don't understand what makes that happen between two people? With this guy, I somehow knew before we met that it would be amazing...I don't know how, but I could just tell by the way we talked when texting. I know it sounds crazy, but I knew. Maybe I should learn to sense that with other people, but I'm afraid if I reject every guy who doesn't meet that criteria, I'll have no one!
Tomorrow I have two people coming over. Slutty, I know, but I don't care what you think. The 1:00 guy promises to be fun but I guess I will have to see if we have any chemistry at all. the 7:00 guy (rescheduled from tonight) is super adorable and we're very attracted to each other but again, we'll see.
I feel that I need to further explore what makes sex "good" or "bad". Maybe next time.
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